Snakes On Another Thing Upon Which You Would Not Expect To Find Snakes

The internet-enabled, reptile-riddled thrill ride of Snakes on a Plane buzz finally touches down on the runway of mainstream pop culture inevitability with this week's Entertainment Weekly cover story, featuring a greatest hits collection boasting all the "People either want to see that, or they don't," and "I've had it with these motherfucking snakes on this motherfucking plane!" standards everyone sporting a $3,900 necklace have been humming to themselves over the past year. While we wait patiently for the coming In Touch Weekly spread about how Samuel L. Jackson carefully coordinated his diamond stud earrings with the collection of serpents featured in a particular scene, here are some highlights from the EW piece:

Jackson on his contractual inability to touch a real snake during the production of a movie about airline passengers screaming while covered in snakes:

Watching Jackson gently raise the snake's head with a finger, it's strange to think that this is the first time in his SoaP experience he has held a live serpent. ''I never even touched a snake while we were shooting. My agents put into the contract: 'No snakes within 25 feet of Mr. Jackson.' They were more scared of the snakes than I was.''

Jackson on reminding his agents that he enjoys taking the occasional role just for the paycheck:

New Line, stunned that a legitimate star would be interested, called his agents: Is this for real? Jackson's agents asked him the same question, but more incredulously. They didn't approve, just as they haven't approved of many of his choices, from The Man to The Long Kiss Goodnight. ''My agents have finally figured out that I'm going to do what I want,'' says Jackson. ''Every now and then, I want to do a movie that isn't 'stretching my abilities.' It's that simple.''

Jackson and co-star Julianna Margulies on whether or not it's a good idea to allow bloggers input into the creative process of the sacred moviemaking arts:

Which raises some provocative questions. Consider the ''motherf—-ing'' line, which was directly suggested by SoaP fan culture. Sure, it's something an R-rated Sam Jackson action hero would say. But should fans be allowed any input into the artistic process during the actual making of a film? Jackson offers a qualified yes: ''Films are a collaborative process, and this is the next step. If a film is vying for that mass teen dollar, then yes, they have every right to say: This is the kind of film we want to see. Films of social relevance — well, no.''

Adds Snakes costar Julianna Margulies: ''On one hand, it's fantastic, because it put our film on the map. But it's a slippery slope. If we have to rely on the public to tell us what great work is — I don't know if that's a great idea.''

Jackson on telling motherfucking critics to suck his motherfucking dick:

''Those motherf—-ers don't need to watch this. They need to send some 13-year-old kid with f—-ing pimples that goes to the mall every Friday to watch movies. I respect the people who are going to see this film, because they know what they like to see,'' he says. ''They like The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Hostel. Saw. They're not afraid to say they like it. I like those films too. I like seeing people getting f—-ed up in strange and funny situations. There's a lot of us out there!''