Enjoy the box office numbers, the comforting bottle of tequila riding shotgun on your drunken, high-speed, anti-Semitic thrill ride through Malibu:
1. Miami Vice—$25.195 million
We were far from certain that Miami Vice would be the movie to end Pirates 2's record-shattering, first place tyranny, but here it is sitting atop the weekend box office chart with just over $25 million. Universal's research broke down Vice's audience as 78 percent male, "who wanted to learn how to speak in absurdly macho sentence fragments" and "were curious to see what new accent would be created by Colin Farrell's inability to hide his Irish brogue," while the movie's female audience cited the fact that they "were forced to go because their boyfriends went to Devil Wears Prada" as their primary reason for their ticket purchase.
2. Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest—$20.492 million
Pirates 2's 42 percent drop-off from last weekend's result might be a sign that it's finally slowing to an eventual take of over $400 million, but Disney plans on restoring the film's momentum by re-premiering it next Friday with an expansion to 10,368 theaters, boosting it back into first place with a $65 million take.
3. John Tucker Must Die—$14.075 million
More post-release research fun: Fox's lobby polls determined that John Tucker Must Die's audience was 100 percent teenage girls "who suffered major head trauma during the first season of Desperate Housewives, and whose last persistent memories are of Jesse Metcalfe removing his shirt and mowing the lawn."
4. Monster House—$11.5 million
5. The Ant Bully—$8.145 million
Box Office Mojo reports that The Ant Bully's opening weekend gross is the "weakest start ever for a high profile computer-animated feature." This record might be short-lived, as Paramount's "Hey, check it out! Those crazy computer generated farm animals are talking!" feature The Barnyard is released next weekend.