These six companies won't buy YouTube for a billion dollars.

Does tech site ZDNet just exist to give daft writers a place to blog? A half-baked entry from ZDNet blogger Russell Shaw lists six companies he thinks will buy YouTube.

Of course, there are nine reasons YouTube will die, which is three more than Shaw's list. Therefore Shaw loses. (It's science!)

But Shaw's story was voted a top post on the popular news site Digg. Now someone might accidentally believe him. But here's why Shaw's six companies won't buy YouTube.

  • Adobe: Shaw calls it "a fantastic promotional platform" for Adobe's Flash platform. Yeah, because no one uses Flash right now.
  • Time Warner: This one would almost make sense, if Time Warner wanted to distribute its multi-million-dollar TV shows and movies as free low-quality video clips.
  • Sony: Hahahahahahahano. Every YouTube video would come with a DRM wrap and a root kit that secretly lets hackers break into your computer every time you watch a pre-teen dancing to the "Numa Numa" song.
  • Google: Yeah, it'd be like Google Video, only with...wait...it would be exactly like Google Video.
  • News Corp: Actually, not a bad idea. But News Corp is still handling its last overpriced acquisition, MySpace, which is still so unstable that it blacked out twice this month and barely worked all last week.
  • Yahoo: Wait, the Yahoo that just launched Yahoo Video this month? The Yahoo that could also launch a video version of its Flickr service if it wanted? Shaw must mean some other Yahoo, right?

One of these six companies will buy YouTube [ZDNet]
Earlier: Why YouTube is about to die [Valleywag]