Stalk of the Town: Safety First, Crime Second

The time: 12 a.m.
The date: July 31.
The place: 52 East 14th Street.
Sighted: "Winona Ryder was casually browsing new DVD releases at Virgin Megastore, dressed in a conservative short black dress and black high heels. Accompanied by a bland average-looking guy carrying two helmets."

Ah yes, the old "casual browsing" at 12 a.m. routine. The old "casual browsing" by a convicted larcenist at a store with easily concealable, flat items, in the dead of night. Nothing to look at folks, nothing to look at — Winona's just dressed as a thief in all black browsing DVD new releases at midnight on a Saturday. With an accomplice. And a getaway motorcycle built for two.

Indeed, it is not surprising that Winona would travel to her heists with a helmet; after all, she was in a car crash in the first scene of Reality Bites, and her reported ex-boyfriend Dodi al Fayed died in the crash with Princess Diana.

But why the two helmets? Increased protection? Unlikely. Clearly a modus operandi: for not only does Winona wear (and carry) a helmet, but she also dated one: Page Hamilton, her most recent ex-boyfriend, is the lead singer of Helmet, the punk band. Winona is currently seeing Henry Alex Rubin, the director of Murderball. Photos confirm that he is both bland and average-looking, thereby proving beyond all doubt that it was in fact Henry Alex carrying the getaway protective gear while Winona pilfered Agent Cody Banks.

Gawker Stalker