Contest: Put Yourself In The Mind Of Chuck Klosterman

Over at Frink Tank, blogger Not Shitashi notes a sidebar to the recent Chuck Klosterman Snakes on a Plane essay. As non-Esquire readers (we feel like GQ provides us with all the crappy homoeroticism we need for the month), we were unaware of this piece, since it was unavailable online. The helpful Frintankers chose to transcribe it. It's entitled "The Best Idea I've Ever Had" (really, the jokes write themselves), and, after the jump, we'll bring it to you in full, along with the opportunity to win a prize.

Last night in my kitchen, I came up with the best marketing plan of the past fifty years. It came in a sudden flurry of inspiration, and it's the greatest idea I've ever had for anything. I suspect you will want to know what it is. But I'm not going to tell you. I'm not telling you, I'm not telling my girlfriend, I'm not telling my drinking associates, and I'm not even telling the editors of this magazine. This idea will work only if it remains completely secret (even to most of the individuals who would be used for its deployment). Moreover, it will succeed only if it's used by a major corporate entity. (This would be a brand along the lines of McDonalds, Microsoft, or Pepsodent.) And although this marketing ploy is completely legal, it would play into the most unsophisticated, illogical elements of human nature; as such I have reservations about allowing it to fall into the wrong hands. However, if you have a meaningful position at a major company and you can convince me (both financially and morally) that your organization deserves this opportunity, contact me privately. We will talk. And if we agree to terms, everything about your organization will change. I'm not kidding.

Well, your mission is a simple one: Send us your best guess on Chuck's big idea. The winner will receive two tickets to Snakes on a Plane. And, while you're coming up with your entries, let's all remember that child molester jokes are in poor taste. Can't wait to hear from you.

Something even Hezbollah and Israel can agree on [FrinkTank]

Earlier: Asshole Whose Entire Career Based On Appreciating The Lowbrow Wants To Pull Up The Ladder