This image was lost some time after publication.

While minding her own business on her day off by grabbing a low-key meal on the patio of The Ivy, Los Angeles' most paparazzi-infested eating establishment, congenital dehydration sufferer Lindsay Lohan was so rattled by an utterly unforeseeable attack of renegade photographers that she reached out to the only person who could possibly save her from being crushed beneath a mob of rampaging shutterbugs: a gossip blogger. Perez Hilton shares Lohan's Sidekick distress signal:

From: [XXXXXXXX] To: Perez Hilton Subject: Re: Yooo Date: Thu, 3 Aug 2006 23:23:59 +0000

Almost witnessed 3kids being hit by paparazzi.... Never in my life had
an expirience as I just did with the paparazzi. I am not kidding I am
shaking, cannot breathe a bit, scared, anxious and sad. If someone
doesn't feel bad, than I will feel bad for myself. It is disgusting what
these g-d damn people are doing to me. As well as the people in my life that I work with/for. Its vulgar and I'm saddened for myself.

And, ANY of those willing to fall into judging me in any way in the future, or past. Can watch the video tapes that these men/women take of me while they are being invasive towards my DAY off.... Which I never have anymore. (Send that to Morgan Creek)

G-d Bless.

We're not so much interested in Lohan's impulse to fight off a bout of panic-asthma following her second-worst paparazzi experience and furiously tap out an agrammatical, self-pitying plea to just be left alone as we are in her parting shot at Morgan Creek, the production company that cruelly refuses to delay production so that she take the occasional personal day to sleep off an alcohol coma. Why must these greedy movie people be so mean all the time?

Bonus! X17 Online has video of the encounter, in which we see no evidence that children was "almost" mutilated by the paparazzi. If Lohan is really so concerned for their safety, perhaps she should suggest a safer hobby to children who seek her autograph, like hunting for unexploded landmines in Iraq on a pogo stick.