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Wherein we invite our readers to grab their Bowie knives and whittle away at the skinny section of tree branch provided by embattled, humpy E! gossip-craftsman Ted Casablanca and guess the identity of his weekly blind item. This week, Ted shakes off some ongoing career controversy and takes out his frustration on the English language, offering this tantalizingly inscrutable tale of a possibly gay personality and his affection for sex toys. (We think?) Open your hearts to One Gossip-Column Blind Vice:

Ted sez: "There's a fairly talented (not as gifted as he is muscly, that's fer sure) guy who performs in front of the camera. Folks are high-gear gossin' about the boy right now, wondering if he's not having some kind of thing with a big-deal hush-hush homo. Only because, well, let's just say, Beef Slurp-a-Pop (no relation to Slurpa Pop-Off), which is his name, really isn't all that into this guy-on-guy overheated thang he's supposedly having with said celeb dude. Ted-translation: Beef's more into his plastic play-toys than his current boy-toy." Read the item.

You say: Send your guesses to tips[AT] with "blind" in the subject line, and we'll post the results later today.