Ted Casablanca has bafflingly worded questions, you have answers. But first, set your "neck massager" to high and work out the kinks in One Gossip-Column Blind Vice again before moving on to your guesses.
Ted sez: "There's a fairly talented (not as gifted as he is muscly, that's fer sure) guy who performs in front of the camera. Folks are high-gear gossin' about the boy right now, wondering if he's not having some kind of thing with a big-deal hush-hush homo. Only because, well, let's just say, Beef Slurp-a-Pop (no relation to Slurpa Pop-Off), which is his name, really isn't all that into this guy-on-guy overheated thang he's supposedly having with said celeb dude. Ted-translation: Beef's more into his plastic play-toys than his current boy-toy." Read the item.
You say: Your guesses are after the jump.
You say: We have no idea how you even worked through the tangled mess of mostly imaginary words that Ted threw out there this week and arrived at your guesses, but most of you believe that Beef Slurp-a-Pop (by the way, is he now naming his blind item aliases exclusively for the sounds that dogs make while they're feeding?) is Matthew McConaughey, the noted semi-nude beach yoga practitioner and naked bongo virtuoso. Some even threw in a guess that the other "big-deal hush-hush homo" is Lance Armstrong. Such overachieving on a Friday afternoon is truly impressive.
You also say: Vin Diesel, but you nearly always say that when "gay" and "muscles" are involved in a blind item.
You also say: Ty Pennington, Seann Williamm Scott, "Big Gay" Al Reynolds, Joe Rogan, and Jake Gyllenhaal.
And The Andy Dick/Dakota Fanning Memorial "You Also Say" Item Goes To: Haley Joel Osment and Wink Martindale (tie).
Thanks to everyone for playing!