So we recently asked you to put yourselves in the mind of Chuck Klosterman, whose mystery marketing promotion inspired so much curiosity in us. Well, we've seen your responses, a distressing number of which were simply the line "Apply directly to the forehead." There were, however, a few good ones. Our second runner-up suggested that the piece itself was actually the marketing effort, being a signal to corporations that Esquire writers are so clearly unedited that Chuck could slip any kind of advertisement past them. It's a plausible option, especially when you consider the entire oeuvre of A.J. Jacobs, but it didn't quite do it for us.
Our first runner-up thought Chuck had a specific product in mind and was merely looking for a company to produce it.
It's gonna be a grooming kit called KlosShave, which is pretty much just one of those old-fashioned straight razors, except it talks. It tells you how much better it is than other razors that have five blades, and why doesn't anyone appreciate the simplicity of one blade any more? Also it will play AC/DC's "Shake Your Foundations."
We were all set to award this one the prize, until the following floated in: The Chuck Klosterman Opinion Generator.
Now, the obvious objection here is why in the name of God do we need more opportunities to be given Chuck's opinion? It's a fair point, but it completely ignores our inability to resist any basic Photoshop work, upon which the winner clearly banked. Also, it's pretty fucking funny. Meghann Marco, you and a friend will be going to see Snakes on a Plane. Let's just hope the Internet people didn't totally ruin it.