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• Neighbors say that Mel Gibson's seven kids are "holy terrors," running wild and toilet-papering all kosher homes along the Pacific Coast Highway. [Page Six]
• Meanwhile, the prosecutor who filed DUI charges against Mel Gibson, Ralph Shapiro, has been removed from the case, presumably because he is a "fucking Jew." [TMZ]
• And finally, you just might be able to listen to Mel's anti-Semitic rant on your cell phone. Best ringtone ever. If you're in Beirut, we mean. [Scoop]
• The online profile belonging to Diana Bianchi, the girl who slept with Christie Brinkley's husband Peter Cook, reveals that she's a bit of a skankypuss. We're just as shocked as you are. [R&M]
• Because of the weight he gained for his role in Chapter 27, Jared Leto developed gout. Next, he'll get scurvy to score a part in the Pirates of the Caribbean franchise. [Page Six]
Daily News gossipette Lloyd Grove is back! And writing about Tori Spelling! We missed your banality, darling. [Lowdown]