Healthy, Glowing Lindsay Lohan Drinks Bottled Spring Water At Hollywood's Most Wholesome Clubhouse

In an item that was seemingly paid for by the Joint Council on Rehabilitating Lindsay Lohan's Image and Making the Tightest Celebrity Glory Hole in Hollywood Seem as Wholesome as a Mormon Daycare Center, Fox 411's Roger Friedman ventures deep into the darkest recesses of Hyde, the currently most-favored, velvet-roped walk-in closet of local scenesters. And what he finds there will shock you to the core:

But I think not. Lindsay, the only member of the Star/Us Weekly crowd with a future in acting, looked positively jaunty wearing a little hat when I saw her at L.A.'s hot new club Hyde. This is a place — believe it or not — where young people in the business come to talk and eat chocolate-chip cookies. There's dancing, too, mostly to music from the 1970s and '80s. Last night the crowd was grooving to "Come on Eileen" and "Kids in America."
Hyde is kind of a relief, I think, for Hollywood's young hotties. It's like being in a rich person's really cool den. Nicole Richie, the Olsen twins and members of Maroon 5 made the scene last night, and that was supposed to be a quiet evening. I also ran into the slightly older and very good actor Troy Garity, son of Jane Fonda and Tom Hayden, with his beautiful girlfriend, Simone Bent. They just hosted a fundraiser for Homies Unidos, a new foundation dedicated to ending gang violence, while Troy sat sifting through scripts, looking for his next film. [....]

And Lindsay? She's in love with Harry Morton, son of Hard Rock Caf founder Peter Morton and grandson of Arnie, he of Morton's steak houses. Even though Lindsay was chastised last week by her "Georgia Rule" producer James Robinson, it doesn't seem like it could be for anything other than having her head in the clouds. When I saw her just after midnight, she was carrying a bottle of ... water.

A place where Underage Hollywood congregates to showily chug bottled water in front of sympathetic gossip columnists, and where Slightly Older Hollywood kicks back with a plate of freshly baked cookies (it must have been too dark to notice the milk mustaches) to mull the next move in both their careers and charitable endeavors sounds like paradise, doesn't it? We don't know how Friedman neglected to mention the cardboard box full of abandoned puppies by the club's entrance, from which each patron is encouraged to select a new canine friend on their way out to the valet line. We hear that Lohan adopted two that night, then left a check for $6 million made out to the ASPCA pinned to the collar of the poor, adorable pug she just couldn't fit in her purse.