Woody Allen's Babysitter Disappointed In Colin Farrell's Baked Goods

Today's Rush & Molloy column points us to a story in London's Sunday Mirror, a sexy celebrity exclusive that's one paper-thin degree of separation away from depicting what a sweaty, naked, hotel room romp between Colin Farrell and Woody Allen might be like:

The handsome actor's encounter with Woody Allen's French au pair Angelique Jerome came only hours before he waved to excited fans at the London premiere of the blockbuster movie.

Angelique 24 - who looked after movie legend Woody's children for two years - said: "He has a great body and a charm that any woman would kill for. But he's all talk. Between the sheets, he is a let-down with only half a baguette in his lunchbox, if you know what I mean. He comes across as a tiger on screen, but behind closed doors he's as wild as Mickey Mouse. [...]

"He kept saying 'C'est bon (it's good), you're beautiful, c'est bon'. He sounded like James Blunt.

"We made love three times but the actual sex only lasted 10 minutes in total.

While the sexually insatiable au pair appears to have picked up a thing or two from her famous boss in the zingy one-liner department, we can't help but wonder if her pop-culture-reference-littered kiss-n'-diss wasn't perhaps coaxed and colored by an overeager British tabloid reporter looking to spice up a sordid exclusive. Particularly troubling is Jerome's assertion that Farrell's picnic basket contains a demi-baguette: As anyone who has seen his sex tape can attest, the Irish actor is in proud possession of a handsomely sized, crusty French loaf.