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Tonight's film-with-commentary comes from Valleywag's new intern, Beth Gottfried.

Today, TechCrunch released a 24-minute documentary on Web 2.0, leaving his viewers even more in the dark on whether or not Web 2.0 actually exists. The clip features TechCrunch founder Michael Arrington interrogating top Web 2.0 CEOs. We learned some useful things from the 24-minute clip (aside from the exact amount of time it takes to beat a subject to death):

  • Use of excessive tambourine and drum roll in lead-in music is never admissible, unless you're watching some game show hosted by Regis Philbin.
  • Mike Arrington likes to talk using his very big and distracting hands. Which is preferable to wondering if the guy needs more sleep, looking at the five o'clock shadow he's sporting — the one under his eyes.
  • A bright green background should never be used as a backdrop on men who spend 90% of their time away from the sun.
  •'s Aaron Cohen loves Star Wars so much he refers to Myspace, Xanga, Live Journal, and Bolt as The Republic and Network TV as The Empire. Naturally, the goal of The Republic is fight the evil Empire by taking dollars away from them. Phew. I'm glad someone's speaking in terms I understand.
  • Socializr founder Jonathan Abrams likes bubbles, but isn't familiar with the term Web 2.0. Ha. He jests. Arrington laughs.
  • Chris Alden of Rojo sees Web 2.0 as a fizzy diet beverage. "Twice as flavorable and only half the calories." Oh, and substance.
  • JotSpot's Joe Kraus gets positively giddy at his ingenious likening of eBay to gardening (seeding ideas and weeding out potential bad seeds for the "good" of the community).
  • Likewise, Mike Arrington gets his knickers in a bunch over the stat that "60% of his readers are also bloggers."
  • Technorati founder David Sifry likes to think of Web 2.0 as Soylent Green (it's made of people! ha! ha!), which we think was someone else's joke last year.
  • Steve Marder of Eurekster is a hottie who may or have had a marginal role as a dancer alongside Barry Manilow in Copacabana.
  • AJAX is not just a household cleaner. We wish it was.
  • Any informative and potentially useful content on Web 2.0's functionality.

Here's a sneak peak of the trailer for the documentary. We'd love to show you the entire video, but a) we're not tech savvy enough and b) The Republic won't release these secret documents to The Empire.

Gottfried the Intern

Web 2.0: The 24 Minute Documentary [TechCrunch]