CasablancaGateWatch: Casablanca Counting The Days Until His Contract Runs Out

It was just a week ago that humpy E! gossip-gerent Ted Casablanca chummed the waters of scandal by telling his perpetually baffled readers that he knew "how Star Jones Reynolds felt" after being mysteriously yanked from his regular spot on E!'s airwaves. Suspicious fans immediately started dusting Casablanca's neck for Ryan Seacrest's fingerprints, but the crytpolinguistically gifted dirt-slinger has been silent about his job status since. That is, until now, when he updated the NY Observer about his standing at E!:

"All I can say, at this point, is my column will appear (amped) someplace else as of next June," he wrote in an e-mail.

Where will he go? What will he do? Is E! letting such divine talent slip away?

A network representative had the following response tonight. "Ted is still very much with eonline. He's a very valuable member of their staff."

She added: "I can't speak to his contract, but everybody here's like, 'What?'"

June is nearly a year away, so we can only imagine how the frustrated Casablanca will express his disgruntled feelings towards his employer through his art—hopefully, we're looking at months of blind items that read "Which frosted-tipped, homosexual American Idol host whose last name would be spelled Eacrest if you took off the initial 's' is a big, flaming bottom who forced out the best thing to ever happen to this two-bit celebrity suck-off channel?" Actually, that's pretty much exactly how we hope this all ends.