Hoping to recreate the publicity bonanza that was its recent Britney Spears Baby Safety Night, minor league baseball team the Newark Bears is willing to risk the disappearance of thousands of fans into the fleet of menacing white vans idling in its parking lot during its Hubbard-baiting Scientology Night promotion:
The Bears look to bring into focus what has become a hot topic to talk about in pop culture. All fans who dress as a celebrity Scientologist will receive FREE admission at the box office. Fans can also look forward to the opportunity to win copies of L Ron Hubbard's Dianetics and DVD copies of Battlefield Earth.
It's probably unavoidable that the crowd will be filled with unimaginative Tom Cruise, John Travolta, and Kirstie Alley get-ups, but if fans really want to get into the spirit of the evening and dress to impress, might we suggest a bald cap, two novelty Oscars, and a thin beard drawn in with some eyeliner for a killer Paul Haggis? Or if you like a little good-natured hooliganism in your sports fandom, why not find a blonde wig and a Cabbage Patch Kid, and taunt the away suppressives with accusations of baby-rape as Jenna Elfman? We do not, however, recommend you go as Leah Remini. No one will have any fucking clue who you're trying to be.