It's Thursday, which means it's time for another installment of everyone's favorite new Gawker feature, Diary of a Park Slope Mommy. In this episode, PSM makes a few observations about parenting and food issues. We can't wait until you chime in!
I'm on line at the coop (when am I not on line at the fucking coop?), waiting patiently to pay for my Cascadian Farm organic fake Cheerios, and I overhear this primly-dressed mother (not your standard-issue coop type but apparently you can't judge a food fascist by her twin set) brightly offer her son soy chips. "No, thanks," he counters, "how about a granola bar?" (a snack that basically anywhere else in the United States would be met with hearty approval by so-called health-conscious parents) Her response? A curt, tight-lipped, no. No, to a request for a granola bar. Anybody's who's read one issue of Child magazine knows that this kind of food restriction is a direct highway to any number of life-long eating disorders. And I can guarantee you that as soon as this kid has $3 to his name, he's going to be at Maggie Moo's sucking down that radioactive blue cotton candy ice cream.
Later, I'm taking a walk in the meadow with a mommy I know and her chubby, ok, fat, baby, and as she pushes the stroller, she reaches down every few seconds and pops an animal cracker in the kid's mouth. Why?? a) he's not asking for a cookie, and b) he's fat! Maybe I could imagine a situation with a neurotically fussy eater who's also painfully skinny, and taking extreme measures by cramming pastries down his gullet, but why force-feed a fat baby? Even worse is the time I'm sitting with this mommy on the steps of the library, poor, hapless Porky strapped in the stroller, while she spoon-feeds him Annie's mac & cheese or whatever the hell. He's pushing her spoon hand away, clearly indicating "no more," and she holds his arm down the better to shove food in his mouth against his objections, like she's fattening a calf for slaughter. It's gruesome; I literally have to look away. The mommy's on maternity leave still from her job in non-profit, and it's my theory that she won't be going back anytime soon. She seems to gets too much perverse satisfaction out of controlling her stuffed piglet.
I'm so excited for the future of Park Slope, when everyone looks like they come from Cleveland.