Paris Hilton's Kinkajou Finally Snaps

Paris Hilton fancies herself a modern Dr. Dolittle of sorts, having amassed an impressive menagerie of exotic pets, probably convinced she's fluent in their native tongue. ("Do you love my new album, Baby Luv?" "Eee-eee!" "That's hot.") And while she no doubt surrounds herself with the creatures for their judgment-free, unconditional love, even a tree-dwelling mammal can get snippy after its 2000th subjection to "Stars Are Blind."

Paris Hilton's pet kinkajou, Baby Luv, bit Paris on the arm early Tuesday morning while the two were playing. [...]

Paris called her publicist, Elliot Mintz, at about 3AM Tuesday morning after the incident occurred. Mintz tells TMZ he drove her to the emergency room where she was seen by a doctor, treated and released. The whole ordeal took just a few hours.

The dutiful flack is to be commended for keeping his wits about him: After determining Paris' frantic protestations of "that stupid fucking monkey just bit me!" had nothing to do with yet another ugly run-in with Hilton's firecrotched nemesis at Hyde, Mintz quickly took the appropriate measures to make sure his client received the critical medical attention she required. We understand owner and furry companion have since patched things over, though Hilton has lately been heaping affection on Baby Luv's own nemesis, Billy the Goat. According to a (probably wrong, but fun to repeat) report, Paris has purchased the burial plot next to Marilyn Monroe's as the aging goat's permanent resting place; her naughty kinkajou, meanwhile, will likely have to to settle for its lifeless corpse, along with several In-N-Out wrappers, being tossed out of a speeding McLaren on Santa Monica Blvd.