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Valleywag correspondent ConFonz reports today from the world's most graybeard-saturated convention. LinuxWorld is like Disney World without the trauma of seeing an on-break Goofy holding his own head.

Penguins, penguins everywhere. LinuxWorld is here, and if you're press and have a fake ID, you too can steal a Nokia 770 tablet. Not that you'd really want one. They're cheap, they're slow, and they're sure as fuck not stable. But Nokia's insisting on lending these out to the press, and the press is still trying to convince Nokia to let them keep the devices.

Even the Slashdot crew has the little tablets stuffed into their bulging pockets. Though, frankly, CmdrTaco is neither witty nor humble, much like the little device he carries.

Of all the exhibits on the show floor, none is as polarizing as This booth, clad in aging hotties and a tap of Bud Light, has been torturing attendees by demanding they search for better employment, right in front of their bosses. Plus, the poor bastard stuck in the big fuzzy dice costume is making an ass of him or her self just outside the entryway to the floor. But, hey, free beer!

The schwag is certainly intriguing, though SAP did trot out the same flotation devices they gave out last year. Rather than spend any money, they just piggy-backed on IBM's booth this year. Don't these two compete?

Meanwhile, Red Hat is just too cool for the show floor. Instead, they've set themselves up at the St. Regis across the street, where even the janitors have secret-service style earpieces. Tonight is their big party, as is everyone else's. Fortunately for the ConFonz, the W Hotel is playing host to all of this year's parties, a sure-fire way to disappoint folks that are used to the swanky Los Angeles and New York versions of this hip hotel. What will they all think when they discover that the SF version smells like vomit and employs scum-bag waiters too ignorant to understand when they're being bribed for faster service?

Photo: Drunk Penguin Shotglass [Hacker Stickers]