Breaking! Mel Gibson Escapes From Rehab, Begins Sworn Mission To Finish Off Jewish Tormentors!

The National Enquirer has slapped a Breaking News banner over its discovery that Mel Gibson is not, as previously believed, battling his demons in the comfort of a luxury resort-hab facility like Promises Malibu (where as the owner of the beachside community, he would be entitled to a 15 percent discount), but is instead participating in an outpatient, "ongoing program of recovery," presumably based out of his own living room. We're not entirely sure anyone from his camp definitively claimed that Gibson had checked into an inpatient facility (if we're wrong about this, please correct us), we just assumed that if he wanted to seem serious about pretending to manage his problem, he'd do so hiding out a place where he could sip virgin mai-tais during a daily poolside massage while waiting for Ari Emanuel to tire of throwing rocks at his house. Then again, if that same level of treatment is available at home, why would he want to bother enduring an awkward couple of weeks haggling over shuffleboard scores with a cranky, jonesing cokehead just to keep up appearances?

Bonus Mel Gibson-Related Internet Stuff! During a drop-in at the NESN broadcast booth at last night's Red Sox game, Denis Leary used the surprising discovery of two Jewish players on the Sox roster as an entry into some Mel-bashing fun. There's video here and a detailed transcript here, should that kind of thing interest you. And it does, trust us.