As promised yesterday, today's Great Moment comes from the Antipodes, and, yes, it's about dick size. Beginning with the stunning observation that a lot of spam these days is dedicated to pills that will give your wang a bigger bang, fearless correspondent John Elder examines the whole nine yards - Is there such a thing as big enough? Do those pills really work? And is it better to have a big penis? (Our personal observations: No, fuck no, and fuck if we know.) After the jump, we give you the skinny.
The whole concept of this article is so predictable - we can picture some sunburnt Australian editor bellowing, "Elder, give me 1000 words on willies" - that it's hard not to nominate the entire piece, but, for the sake of shortness, we'll just pick the part where the author justifies surfing for man porn and directs you to his favorite site for such.
What's being promised is akin to Jack's magic beans, except penis-enlargement pills don't work so spectacularly. To get the extra inches requires at least a six-month commitment. But the pills need to be taken with an exercise program — "jelqing" — including drills similar to stretching hamstrings before jogging. To see what it takes to become a Mr Big, go to enlargepenisguide.com. You'll find a nude man, a fairly happy man one imagines, pretending to be a clock, with what appears to be a baby's arm grafted to his pubic bone as the minute hand.
There are a few nice observations within ("The ancient Greeks fought in the nude ... in combat you reached for anything you could, so having a large penis would have been disadvantageous.") so you might want to read the whole thing. We know it looks long, but, trust us, it's not very hard.