Easily the most important part of any celebrity meltdown involving a messy police altercation is the swift, sweet sting of a judge's fingers on the back of the naughty scofflaw's outstreched wrists. Lead-footed Malibu anti-Semite Mel Gibson finally received his token punishment today after entering a no-contest plea to a misdemeanor drunk-driving charge through his lawyer (naturally, Gibson wasn't present, as there was no way his legal team would allow a dramatic courtroom photo-op or take the chance that their client refer to Lady Justice as Sugar Tit), which included three years of probation, a fine roughly half the star's typical Moonshadows tab, and some obligatory lip service about drying out:
Superior Court Judge Lawrence Mira ordered Gibson to attend Alcoholics Anonymous meetings five times a week for four and a half months and three times a week for the remainder of the first year of his probation. He was fined $1,300 and his license was restricted for 90 days.
He also volunteered to record a public service announcement on the dangers of driving drunk and volunteered to immediately enter into a rehabilitation program, prosecutors said.
Given that the court couldn't address the religious tolerance aspect of his recovery, it's unlikely that Gibson's "The More You Know" PSA will end with the healing words, "Remember that people of all faiths start wars, not just those sneaky Jews."