Hollywood PrivacyWatch: Gene Simmons Drains The Python Before Midnight 'Snakes' Screening

PrivacyWatch celebrity sightings are crafted by you, our readers, and posted throughout the week. Send them often to tips[AT]defamer.com (please put "sighting" or "PrivacyWatch" in the subject line) and let the world know about the time you gave Access Hollywood's Billy Bush a locker room flab inspection.

In today's easy-to-carry episode: Gene Simmons; Jon Voight; Jason Schwartzman; Jorja Fox; Jack Palance and Richard Dreyfuss; Jack Osbourne, Kimberly Stewart and Harry Morton; Lucas Haas and Kevin Connelly; Billy Bush; Harold Perrineau Jr., Jason Reitman and Dessarae Bradford.

Because today's installment is a little light, we've planted one completely fabricated sighting among the otherwise avowedly genuine entries. Commenters should feel free to guess which one is the fake following the post. Fun!

· Having held my bladder the entirety of last night's 10pm showing of SNAKES ON A PLANE, I darted to the restroom and bump into none other than Gene Simmons, chowing down on popcorn while he is taking a piss. He was there to see the midnight SNAKES and the sight of Simmons sans makeup was NEARLY as scary as seeing [ed. note: SPOILER ALERT!!!] a snake bite a woman's breast.

· Tonight (8/17, my birthday!) celebrating at Harper's in the construction pit of the Century City mall. JON VOIGHT ambles to a corner table, then half an hour later a few twenty-somethings join him. They leave after an hour, as Jon hugs a few other patrons at another table, then leaves. Later that night, after the 10:00pm showing of Snakes On A Plane at the nearby movie theater, my friend swears GENE SIMMONS was in the men's bathroom. I hope he loved the movie as much as we did!

· Saw Jason Schwartzman on Sunday, August 13, at the Pasadena Rose Bowl flea market. While trawling aisles filled with naked lady velvet paintings, troll dolls, and instructional how-to home repair booklets from the 70s, my boyfriend says, "Hey, look at those," and is pointing at two beyond hideous chairs. While I'm commenting on their ugliness, he interrupts me and kind of jerks his head in the direction of the chairs. I know, they're really amazingly ugly, I say, but he keeps jerking his head in the direction of the chairs. Apparently he was trying to not so discreetly point out that Jason Schwartzman was heading our way. The actor - anonymously outfitted in a short-sleeved button-up shirt, jeans, sneaks, and a Dodgers baseball cap - was pretty inconspicuous except for his somewhat high-pitched voice, which is what alerted my boyfriend to his presence in the first place. Fairly lackluster sighting, prompting us to wonder if anyone else had recognized Shwartzman, when we heard someone say, "You gotta love LA." Either they were referring to the Rushmore alum or to the middle-aged, leather-skinned bottle blonde wearing uber-short denim cutoffs and a tube top two sizes too small. Hard to say which one was more remarkable.

· Tues 8-15 Arclight caf —CSI's salary holdout near-casualty Jorja Fox with older, male friend. She looked pretty good. Turns out, she was seeing the same movie as I was—the 7:55 Talladega Nights. I wonder if she, like me, looked down at her own yellow stream the very next dawn and immediately thought to herself: "I wake up in the morning and I piss excellence."

· Was enjoying a delicious Cobb salad on the patio of The Ivy on Thursday (8/16) when Jack Palance, riding bareback on a pterodactyl, suddenly descended from the sky. His winged, prehistoric mount then vomited up Richard Dreyfuss, who had been riding along inside the beast's distended belly, then disappeared into the sky, leaving the two men to dine from a trough filled with hard-boiled eggs. I really wanted to walk up to Palance and tell him I crap bigger than him, but I thought better of it and returned to my meal.

· Wednesday Aug. 16th- Koi 10 p.m.-12ish

Jack Osbourne walked in with Kimberly Stewart. Kimberly had on a tierra and looks like she got some small implants put back in. Jack had a mohawk trimmed short and was slim and short. Harry Morton came to the bar area where they were waiting for a table to say hello. I can only imagine Lindsay Lohan was sitting back there somewhere, as there were at least ten paparazzi outside. Two shorter guys with beards stood near the bar half an hour later discussing pulling a car around back and having "her" just leave through the kitchen to avoid the papz. Meanwhile a few other guys showed up who seemed to be heading over to hang with Harry, but they stopped to say hello to Kimberly who greeted them by saying hi bitches- over and over. I thought Nicole or Paris would pop in any second.

After we sat down we were delighted to see Lucas Haas walk by with Kevin Connelly. My client felt it was necessary to run up and ask E what he was doing at Koi when it wasn't Sunday. He also asked him where Ari was. Kevin was nice and just laughed. Super short, but adorable. Lucas had some face scrub and a weird hat on. Is he in anything anymore?

· this morning, as i finished my workout at the 24 hour fitness in sherman oaks, i headed to the locker room to gather my belongings. as i opened my locker, out of the corner of my eye, i noticed a shirtless guy, standing to my right. upon closer inspection, it was "access hollywood's" perpetually pleasant billy bush. while he is not a big guy, i didn't expect him to be quite as doughy as he was. most mornings he's running (from what?) on a treadmill, so perhaps my expectations were too high. i also noticed he had a farmer's... nee, _golfer's_ tan. . anyway, we left at the same time, he climbed in to his 5 series and drove off.

· Wednesday, August 16, about 7:30am. Harold Perrineau, Jr., from Lost was working out at the West Hollywood 24-Hour-Fitness. Interesting, since everybody know that the celebs go to the Arclight branch. Anyway, he's in pretty good shape, and looked fairly inconspicuous for a straight black guy among us gay white boys of Boys Town. I overheard him politely explaining to another member (who apparently didn't recognize him) which muscles his machine exercised. Nice!

· Not really much of a celebrity, but I saw Jason Reitman in Beverly Hills today (8/16). I was surprised at how heavy he was. I'm also surprised at how much he ripped-off Alexander Payne for Thank You For Smoking.

· I saw Dessarae Bradford yesterday, the woman who claims to have fucked Alec Baldwin in his ass. She was at Mao's in Venice.