Defamer Connections: Humiliate A Huge Movie Star

We at Defamer realize that Craigslist's "Please check this box if you are actually a famous person anonymously seeking out sexual companionship" celebrity-verification system leaves a lot to be desired, but we can't take the chance that a "huge blockbuster movie star's" request to be humiliated by a less genetically gifted individual might go unanswered, potentially leading to an ugly Santa Monica Boulevard trannie solicitation incident if he's forced to take to the streets to satisfy his unconventional appetites.

HUGE star looking for homely companion - 45 I'm a HUGE blockbuster movie star.

All I want is a homely woman that will beat and humiliate me.

I'm soooooo tired of perfect eager starlets. I want the REJECTED chunky girls. The wallflowers.

Former porn stars, strippers, and whores that nobody wants to touch are exactly what I'm looking for. Homeless single mother meth addicts are perfect.

Come and get it.

Of course, parties from either side of this transaction will likely wind up unsatisfied; even in the unlikely event that the "huge star" turns out to be an authentic famous person with a dim view of the opposite sex, he'll probably be disappointed when his ad is answered by a "perfect eager starlet" whose self-esteem is a dangeously low after her agent refuses to send her out on another audition until she loses five pounds and finally gets her weight back into the double-digits.

[Image note: We randomly picked George Clooney from the pool of actors born in 1961, but Michael J. Fox, Steven Weber, or any other of the names would've made fine black-bar models.]