Already Over: Jews

Let's start by saying we're not forsaking Israel or siding with Hezbollah or proclaiming our love for Mel Gibson. But? We do think the Jew thing is a little tired. Who isn't Jewish nowadays? Being a part of the tribe, one of God's chosen ones — we're just not so special anymore.

We're not talking about Judaism overall (that's still rock solid); this is about the Jewish culture, and the culture's long been co-opted by the goyim. There was a time when being a member of the tribe helped you work the system and climb the ladder; nowadays, even all the non-Jews are so Jewish that the ladder's collapsed under their collective weight. Look around you. Everyone New York is Jewish, even the anti-Semites — especially the anti-Semites! There's got to be an anti-Semite Jewish mafia out there. You just know it.

Yes, we know that this item offends practically everyone who matters — but that's just the point, isn't it? Not only are we everywhere, but we also have to get all Abe Foxman about every. little. thing. Jews have been running the show for so long now: we've got New York, Hollywood, Boca — isn't it time to relax a little? Even Jesus knew it was time to move on, and that was 2000 years ago.