Sightings are sent in by readers and posted to our Gawker Stalker Map. This is our occasional, old-school compilation. Send your sightings to tips@gawker.com.

In this edition of the Stalk: Philip Seymour Hoffman and Ashlee Simpson suffer transportation mishaps, David Bowie at Gnarls Barkley, Derek Jeter and Vanessa Minnillo, Natalie Portman, Bill Clinton, Paul Haggis, Jude Law, Elliot Spitzer, Parker Posey, Michael Kors, Jim Jarmusch, Willem Dafoe, Chris Noth, Lucy Liu, Jeremy Sisto, Chloe Sevigny, Tom Hanks and Rita Wilson, Angie Everhart, Jeneane Garafolo, Billy Baldwin, Sam Rockwell, Elizabeth Perkins, Nicky Hilton, Jon Stewart, Dave Grohl, Jesse Metcalfe, Mike Myers, Hayden Christensen, Jimmy Fallon, Chevy Chase, Tom Hanks, Billy Crystal, Bette Midler, Goldie Hawn, Jerry Seinfeld, Matthew Broderick, Graydon Carter, Kurt Russell and Goldie Hawn, David Cross, Christina Aguilera, Ralph Lauren, Ed Koch, Donald Trump, Freddie Prinze Jr, Chris Klein and Gennifer Goodwin, Ed Norton, Danny Glover, James Remar, Boy George, and American Apparel Perv Dov Charney.

So I was picking up the dinner plate I made at My Name Is Mud (now called "Made"?) on Greenwich Ave. when I hear that "booop!" sound of a cop car and a female officer on the loud speaker saying, "Pull it over to the right." I look at the driver of the car being pulled over and it's Philip Seymour Hoffman! I think he ran the red light at Charles and Greenwich Ave. He's in a Lexus SUV. But I don't think he understood the cop, because he kept going. She puts on the lights AND boop thing, and Phil finally pulls over. The officer gets out of her car, with hand on holstered gun!! She walks up to the car, while PSH is frantically searching thru all the papers in his glove compartment for the registration. He found it. The officer took it and went back to her patrol car. I didn't wait to see what happened next. I had to pee.

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This is totally and utterly implausible, but my husband is swearing up and down that Ashlee Simpson rode the PATH with him to Newark this morning, was talking on her phone about how her car never came (hence having to take the PATH) and trying to hide her face and had her hair under a camo hat "the kind crazy vets wear, like a baseball cap". He said the nose was lovely, she was wearing shinny jeans, black shirt and flip flops and was thin but "kinda had a keester". I thought it was weird she wouldn't have a handler or bodyguard or get a cab, to which my apparently rational and observant husband said, "Well, traffic out of the city in the AM can be a nightmare. Especially around 8:30 AM. It is entirely plausible especially since she was on the phone once we got out from underground asking someone a lot of questions and getting instructions. After all being a celebrity doesn't mean she cannot be an independent grown up." Ha.

So, tonight I went to see Gnarls Barkley in Central Park and David Bowie was standing right behind me in VIP!!! He is so HOT, even with the wrinkles, and even being sort of short it's TOTALLY understandable that he is married to the most gorgeous woman, and they definitely win for hottest interracial couple out there. Anyway, so Gnarls performs his song "Gone Daddy Gone" the Violent Femmes cover and we hear Bowie whisper shout to his boy "I hate the Violent Femmes". That's all, there's my gossip. I was shocked, I like VF, but perhaps that's because I was coming of age in the early 90s and missed out on the "real" punk scene. Anyway, it was just a tiny bit disappointing because he had no make-up on and was in jeans and a hoodie instead of some fabulous Ziggy Stardust outfit, but I guess you can't have everything. Other than that he seemed to fully enjoy the Gnarls concert. I'm sure he appreciated the theatrics of it—the school girl/school-boy uniforms gone punk.

I saw Derek Jeter and Vanessa Minnillo outside her building on E 34th street yesterday. They both seemed real happy together. I guess Nick Lachey's no longer Vanessa's "total request."

Just saw Natalie Portman at Falai. She waited outside for 20 minutes and looked very chic and petite next to her 4 average looking friends. She had short black hair full of gel and was wearing a simple black outfit with a brown shoulder bag.

Bill Clinton was dining with an unidentified man in the Middle Eastern restaurant Taboon on Friday. He had an entourage of large black SUVs out front waiting. At first I thought he didn't have any bodyguards but then soon noticed a bevy of earplug wearing agents all around the restaurant!

Saw hackmeister Paul Haggis sitting by himself on a bench at the corner of Prince and Mercer. Seemed a little impatient. Didn't hang around to see who (or what) he was waiting for.

Was at Jacks on 40th btwn 7th Ave + BWAY with coworkers for after work beverages when a silver BMW with NY plates rolls up, stuck in traffic and Jude Law behind the wheel. We shamelessly stared at him trying to see if it was really him and he stared right back, eyebrow cocked, giving us the "God, I cannot believe you are actually staring at me this long" look. The light turned green and he drove away.

Spotted Elliott Spitzer on Saturday pressing flesh and flashing leg at the Central Park Reservoir.

Parker Posey + pooch at ABC Home & Carpet on Saturday August 19th, around 4pm. She (Parker, not the pooch) was wearing what looked like nicotine patches—one on the inside calf of each leg.

I just saw Michael Kors shopping with a studly young man at Bed, Bath & Beyond on Sixth Ave on Aug 20. He looks much younger (and less shiny) in person. I wanted to ask him why Project Runway hasn't kicked that wacko Vincent to the curb already, but quickly decided against it, lest I appear to be a loon myself.

On Friday, saw Jim Jarmusch checking out the Dada show at MOMA. Recognized him because of his prematurely white hair sticking out from under a black trucker's hat. He was wearing an untucked green shirt and jeans, and was in the company of a tall blonde woman in thick black-framed glasses. He seemed particularly interested in the Kurt Schwitters collages. I had to explain to my girlfriend who he was. Guess it's time he made another movie.

On August 19, I saw Willem Dafoe at the corner of Perry and W4. He was standing in front a cafe. I think the cafe is "gela—-something;" I can't remember the spelling. He was smiling and then rushed off down Perry Street with a friend. This was about 3 p.m.

About 3:30 saw Chris Noth at a photo shoot at the corner of West 31st and 10th. He was in black suit and I believe a white shirt - cheesing with a young red-head actress. I can't place her name. Minutes later he was leaving the photo shoot walking cross the street with two men. He is a big, tall glass of water. Handsome as can be.

Eating lunch around noon today, Lucy Liu with two friends at Blue Water Grill in Union Square, around noon today Saturday 19th. She looked amazingly beautiful, her skin is luminous and her new bob haircut is super cute.

Saw Jeremy Sisto and some pals at PJ Clarke's on Friday night. He looked really laid back and totally hot, wearing a blue t-shirt, had some stubble—I was definitely staring.

On the corner of 2nd Avenue and 5th street, Chloe Sevigny rides up on bicycle, and comes to a stop, as she hits a red light. Kindly waits for pedestrians to cross the street. Wearing a black and white stripe shirt, white overall shorts (yep!), and big white reading glasses. Chloe style...

August 18th: Tom Hanks and Rita Wilson at Mother Courage and her Children in Central Park. They are so cute together. Tom nicely signed an autograph for a fan during intermission.

Angie Everhart walking her Maltese-looking dog on 45th & Park on Thursday night August 17th @ 6:30pm. She was wearing sunglasses wearing her beautiful long red hair down.

Janeane Garafolo walking her dogs around 6th and 11th around 6:30. I've seen her a few times over the last few years and she's never looked fat to me, but I've never seen her this skinny. Looked grumpy.

Billy Baldwin, alone, on the corner of 28th and 5th Ave., perusing the framed photographs outside of a ...um...framing store. Something must have caught his eye as he went inside, only to return empty handed a few moments later. Dark, longish hair, white t-shirt and faded Levi 501s. He looked pretty good actually, and I'm no fan of that family.

8/18 Sam Rockwell is busting a move in the VIP section at the Webster Hall Wu Tang Clan show. Shaolin!!

August 18th: Elizabeth Perkins checking out Mother Courage and her Children with a female friend. She laughed throughout the show and was very nice to others around her. During intermission, she approached Tom Hanks and Rita Wilson for a 'Big' reunion.

I saw Nicky Hilton and three guys at the Gucci on 5th Avenue. She was helping one of the guys get a suit. They all seemed to be friends though. I did not get the impression that she was with any of them. We acted like we were shopping and it seemed that the guy she was shopping with was from out of town and they had not seen each other in a long time.

Saw Jon Stewart walking with his two kids and wife (who had the baby strapped to her chest suicide-bomber style) past French Roast on 11th and 6th, where I was having brunch. The brunch there blows, by the way.

Dave Grohl, midnight 8/20-2, Greene & Spring Sts. Rubbernecking at the site of a fire (think loads of police fire trucks, red tape etc.), holding hands with a pretty lady in a white dress, looking tres casual in jeans and tee, probably just finished the Foo Fighter's show at the Beacon. Gawked (no pun intended) for a few minutes, then walked away laughing w/ the girl and 3 other tattooed guys (fellow Foos?)

Tuesday, Aug 15th about 7pm: Saw Jesse Metcalfe (Desperate Housewives/John Tucker Must Die) going into Bar Centrale (46th bet 8th & 9th). Knew it was him cause someone said "Hi Jesse" to and he answered back.

Sunday 2pm - Mike Myers on my stoop on Bank and Greenwich with a much younger hipster chick making out. He is super polite.

Hayden Christensen, 8/20. Eating at A.L. Bazzini's with what looked like his parents. Really small looking in person, but those eyes are killer.

Thursday August 17, 2006, saw Jimmy Fallon at the Times Square Hilton. Spoke to me briefly and was very cool.

Last night after work I ran over to the Opening of Martin Short's new Broadway play - Fame Becomes Me. I have to say it was probably one the best opening I have ever witnessed. Every Iconic comedian was there - Chevy Chase, Tom Hanks, Billy Crystal, Bette Midler, Goldie Hawn, and Jerry Seinfeld to name a few.

Saw Matthew Broderick walk by the Pink Elephant with two tall blondes at about midnight on Thursday, August 17th.

Graydon Carter outside the Lex ave entrance to the Bloomberg bldg. giving a one armed hug to a woman while keeping his other hand in his pocket (?!). Trademark tapered and too-short jeans with loafers. Where did this style come from? Early 80's Jersey Shore?

I spotted Kurt Russell and Goldie Hawn on 57th Street btw. 8th and 9th Ave at about 9:15am this morning. She looked very Goldie Hawnish with a cream dress on and flowing blonde hair in her face. He's looked as if he has spent too many years in the sun. Also Tracy Ullman at Mother Courage last night — looked like a well-preserved suburban lady — surprisingly tall — no evident plastic in her face. She's got some thin lips.

David Cross and a tall rocker looking chick went into Esahi sushi on Avenue A around 7:30 Wednesday 8/16 and sat at the window. I was waiting for a friend outside and had to move away so as not to look stalkerish.

Saw Christina Aguilera incognito at Yankees game behind home plate. And a little ways down was Steve Schirripa AKA Bobby Bacala from the Sopranos talking with his hands the whole night.

This morning I spotted Ralph Lauren exiting the park via the engineer's gate. He was all kitted out in polo sport running togs, including a ridiculous pair of white sunglasses, but I'm pretty sure he hadn't broken a sweat. Just as well - if there were any less of him he'd vanish altogether. He is a wee, tiny little man - half my size, max... and I wear petites.

August 16th: Former mayor Ed Koch in a suit shaking hands with several people in the audience. Also on hand for the performance was Kim Cattrall, who was with a group of friends. Kim's new man, who looks like a double for Ryan Gosling, sat cozy next to her throughout the show.

1:10pm at the Trump Grill, Trump tower. Just finished ordering my salmon (the food is great at the Buffet!) and turned to my left to see a man in a bright red tie. Donald Trump was standing next to me, arms spread out, saying to his group of men, "You can have whatever you want." We mingled with fans and headed off towards the ice-cream. Left everyone in awe, and he seems like a great guy.

3:00pm, 256 Grand street...I saw Freddie Prinze Jr in his trailer for NYC Serenade. He waved to us and smiled.

8:15 this morning Chris Klein and Ginnifer Goodwin checking in or checking out of my short-term apartment building on 6th Ave in Chelsea. She is WAY cuter than Katie Holmes, and super petite in real life... so cute!

Ed Norton at Aer for the afterparty for his movie premier last night (The Illusionist). Seemed in a great mood. W/ the same girl he was w/ on Saturday night at boutique nightclub in Bridgehampton. Cute blonde w/ freckles.

Saw Danny Glover at Planet Thai around 2pm eating in a booth with 3 others.

Roommate and I saw James Remar, Richard Wright from Sex and the City, walking out of a bodega on 1st Ave and 48th street. He was wearing gym clothes and appeared to be in a hurry.

Saw Boy George at Broadway and Bleeker last night - (12:48am Sun morning actually). He was coming out of Mr. Black, squeezed through the crowd saying "They won't leave me alone in there!" He jumped in to a cab and escaped.

Spotted American Apparel employee diddler Dov Charney walking south on Broadway near 11th Street on Saturday August 19th at about 5:00pm. Had a young assistant-like person walking next to him. A disturbingly hairy face, and was talking into a cell phone headset about something very important. But the headset was not a Bluetooth one. Or even a discreet tiny wired one. But he was donning a HUGE headset on his right ear that looked like he was calling plays for his team from the sidelines or reviving Lily Tomlin's Ernestine character. Which he might be doing. Is that guy one ringy dingy or what!