We realize that many of you lead busy lives; some of you are so busy, in fact, that you probably lack the time to read Forbes' "Stay Away From the Smart Bitches" piece. In that spirit, we've put together a brief summary of the article, based entirely on its slideshow. It actually comes off as a miraculous fairy tale for adults, complete with suitable moral. After the jump, the condensed version of why you shouldn't marry those ball-busting, cash-making whores.
Once upon a time, a man and a woman got married even though she made more money than he, which everyone knows is a bad idea.
She gave him a ring and keys to her house.
But she grew unsatisfied being the main breadwinner. What kind of man lets his wife make more money? So she covered herself in costume jewelry and cheated on him with every greasy-haired hipster in town.
In an attempt to keep her from straying, he knocked her up.
An Asian woman wept at the senselessness of it all.
Cuckolded and depressed, the man went on a Goldfish-eating binge.
Matt Drudge wept at the senselessness of it all.
The wife remained unhappy, but at least she was still hot. She divorced her husband and met a man who, if he was a little annoying with all those soulful stares, at least brought home more cash than she did.
The man caught a cold, and rued the day he ever did something as senseless as shackle himself to a woman who may have been intellectually compatible with him but outperformed him in a financial sense.