Oldest Bartender's Advice: Stop Drinking

Nice little bittie here on Hoy Wong, believed to be the city's oldest bartender:


Retirement is the last thing on Hoy Wong's mind. The New York bartender, who turned 90, plans to carry on mixing martinis just as he has done for the past six decades.

After reminiscing on the hundred-years-war, and the discovery of the New World, they later get him to drop dime on all the old historical figures he's served moonshine to throughout the years, Marilyn Monroe, George Washington, Ghengis Khan (he's Asian, duh) etc. etc.

But when you sidle up to the bar and say, "Do tell us Hoy (today please, in spanish), how does one get to love such a long fulfilling life?" You may cough up that ketel-and-cranberry when you learn, "Wong himself quit drinking 30 years ago and never smokes, although he professes to have a weakness for women." Surprise, surprise, no drinky, no smoky, and plenty of iGalloping vag is the key to immortality.

Blasted infidel! Bartenders who don't drink are eternally dubious. If we see him on a crawl, we hope he's not offended when we leave him a fortune cookie as a tip. To Read: Life Sucks. Drink Up.

Sobriety Means You're Dead Already Hoy
[Yahoo News]