Matt LeBlanc Sued By Woman He Claims Nearly Lapdanced Him To Death

Matt LeBlanc, as we well know, is the National Enquirer's willing bitch, eager to clamp down on their shiny, red ball-gags of divorce exclusives and first-person "The Night My Lap Was Attacked By A Runaway Stripper's Ass" tell-alls, in exchange for what we can only assume is the assurance that a manila envelope marked "M.L.'s 4 a.m. Vaseline Alley Surveillance Pics" remains permanently sealed. The woman to whom the ass in question belongs is now suing LeBlanc for defamation of character, for the ridiculous-sounding claims the Friends star made about her in a fishy interview he granted the Enquirer last year:

Stephanie Stephens claims in a lawsuit that LeBlanc told an unspecified person last August that she was sexually aggressive, gave him a lap dance in a private room and engaged him in a "night of sexual debauchery ... at her place of employment."

In the lawsuit, filed Tuesday in Los Angeles, Stephens said she was never sexually aggressive toward LeBlanc, never made sexual requests and never gave a lap dance.

The lawsuit also says that "all sexual contact between the defendant and the plaintiff took place in the privacy of (Stephens') residence."

LeBlanc, no stranger to the difficulties of outrunning one's past, is naive if he thought whatever shady arrangement he and the tabloid came to would somehow make his larger problems disappear, as opposed to just making them multiply. And if the original intent was to raise as few sexuality-questioning eyebrows as possible, the sworn testimony he'll inevitably have to give regarding the horror of Stephens "pushing her breasts into me and grabbing my hands to go all over her body," probably won't do much to help further his case in the court of public opinion.