JUNEAU, Alaska (AP) — Former Whitewater special counsel Kenneth Starr petitioned the U.S. Supreme Court to take up Alaska's "Bong Hits 4 Jesus" case, a dispute involving a high school student, a banner and a tough school policy.
...The appeals court sided with a high school student who displayed a banner reading "Bong Hits 4 Jesus" during an Olympic torch relay in 2002...
...Frederick, then a senior, was off school property when he hoisted the banner but was suspended for violating the school's policy of promoting illegal substances at a school-sanctioned event...
...Starr, of the Los Angeles-based firm Kirkland & Ellis, took the case pro bono.
You can stop reading here, but for what it's worth, our expert analysis after the jump.
-That Kenneth Starr took the case pro bono.
-That the Supreme Court, whether they decide to hear the case or not, will have to read the words "Bong Hits 4 Jesus"
And two final things:
1. Since when did "Bong Hits 4 Jesus" become a universally recognized pro-drug statement? If anything it seems like a pretty tepid endorsement of both bong hits and Jesus. What if, like us, you don't like Jesus? Then it's an anti-drug statement. But we suppose that's why they always talk about the "gray area" of the law.
2. Seriously, we know that Kenneth Starr hates orgasms so much he wishes they were a federal crime, but Jesus Christ. Has the guy ever had any fun ever? Like, one hand job would probably calm him down for a decade. Look at his face? He's about to explode, and that is not a good look for him. Someone needs to Photoshop the ugly out of his face.
If this post sucks it is because we are totally stoned on marijuana cigarettes right now.