Power-Mad Donald Trump Now Firing 'Apprentice' Sidekicks

The world of reality television shows that the public occasionally watches because of lingering memories of long-exhausted entertainment value was rocked to its deceptively edited core today, as the NY Post reports that Donald Trump has parted ways—we can't quote bring ourselves to use his trademarked "F" word"—with Apprentice co-executioner Carolyn Kepcher. Among the fireable offenses committed by Kepcher, whose outwardly icy onscreen demeanor obscured the fiery sexpot waiting to doff her blonde helmet wig and sensibly restrictive businesswear the moment the cameras stopped rolling, were the excessive enjoyment of her newfound fame, unacceptable recall of the suggested retail price of the five-irons at her pro shop, and her tragic lack of Trump DNA. Reports the Post:

Insiders say that when Trump tried to reach her recently, she was off on a trip to make a speech. Another time, while giving a tour of the pro shop at the Briarcliff club, she didn't seem to know the prices on any of the merchandise.

Trump has been in Los Angeles for five weeks filming the next season of "The Apprentice." His daughter, Ivanka, has replaced Carolyn as one of Trump's two on-air sidekicks, while son Don Jr. is the successor to gruff real-estate lawyer George Ross, 78.

"George has been around a long time. He's seen everything. He didn't get excited even when women on the street started screaming when they saw him on his way to work," said one source. "But Carolyn took it very seriously. She thought she was a freaking movie star." [...]

"Trump told her what she had to do was take some time off and spend it with her family, and then get another job," said an insider. "They have a great relationship."

It now seems abundantly clear to us that Trump is just joylessly cashing NBC's paychecks until the network finally tires of declining interest in The Apprentice and cancels it; the passionate, power-mad showman of the show's vital, better-rated first two seasons never would have passed up the opportunity to dismiss his right-hand woman on camera and bask in the stunned, uncomprehending expression of a once-beloved colleague who's been ambushed by an unscripted shitcanning.