VH1 Gives Tom Sizemore A Chance To Implode On Basic Cable

Profoundly disappointed that the pressure of being under the 24-hour surveillance of their Celebreality cameras did not induce an onscreen Danny Bonaduce suicide, a desperate VH1 is pinning all of its crazy hopes of capturing a celebrity time-bomb's final, self-annihilating act on Tom Sizemore, an actor whose troubles are so legendary that Nick Nolte's face involuntarily twitches at the very mention of his name. Reports Variety:

"You literally watch a man come unglued and unraveled from his own point of view," Olde said. "He lays it all out there."

Series will trail the now-sober actor as he embarks on acting jobs, including a movie for the BBC that's lensing in Canada. Sizemore will narrate the proceedings, which will include flashbacks to his battles with drug and sexual addiction via tape he shot on his own.

VH1 has internalized the lessons of Breaking Bonaduce's ultimate failure to produce a televised fatality, and will take no such chances with the Sizemore series. In the unlikely event that the actor survives to the end of the show's original episode order, he will be locked in a camera-monitored room with three prostitutes, a variety of loaded firearms, a 40-gallon garbage can full of crystal meth, and a Viagra-enhanced Andy Dick until footage for an acceptably tragic series finale is captured.