Oh cool, Facebook redesigned the user home page with a feed of nearly every action taken by friends. Maybe you like it, maybe you don't, but the new feature brings us one step closer to a gossipy paradise (known in gossiper lore as "The Big Stalk Candy Mountain"). From this page, not only can I see what my friends are doing at this moment:
But also what they're doing to each other:
And what they're trying to hide:
I can even see when my friends add strangers as friends, when they join groups, when they upload photos, and how many tools are joining that "Largest Facebook Group Ever" group. It's thrilling. But the new feature misses some details.
Things Facebook should tell me
- When my friends disown me. To test, I had a friend delete me. He was then missing from my friend list, but the news feed didn't mention the change. So I still have to manually maintain my social anxiety by counting my friends each day and witchhunting whenever the number drops.
- When my friends are no longer single. So I can stop writing "Let's make out" on their wall and start writing "Let's have an affair." [I know this one exists. Shut up.]
- When my friends update their income. Anyone jumping from "$25k-30k" to "$100k+" is my new special friend.
- When strangers view my profile. Because they might be cute. Or they might make $100k+.
- When one friend switches to "single" and their ex-partner doesn't. INSTANT HILARITY.
- Hot-or-Not ratings.
Facebook Gets a Facelift [Facebook Blog]