You're a fraud, and a liar. And a wincingly pretentious writer. You couldn't tie Siegel's shoelaces.
UPDATE: We initially posted a photo of Siegel, but it turns out we had a pic of the "good" Lee Siegel, a novelist who lives in Hawaii. Apologies to Good Lee Siegel while we check around for a real photo of Bad Lee Siegel.
An Apology to Our Readers [TNR via Metadish]

