The time: 4 p.m.
The date: September 1.
The place: LaGuardia Airport.
Sighted: "Penelope Cruz at LaGuardia wearing a red and black jacket that looked fit for a lumberjack and pants that made her look dumpy."

Penelope Cruz is a nice looking woman, if you dig that whole big-lips, dark-hair, skinny-with-huge-boobs, I-can-barely-speak-English type, which, apparently, most men do. Another thing men enjoy is the idea of a hot lady who enjoys other ladies, and it's becoming clear that Penelope is most likely one of those types as well.

What is that you say? Dressing like a lumberjack and wearing ill-fitting pants does not make a woman a lesbian, you stereotype-embracing douchebags? Fair enough. But, like the Scott Peterson case, the circumstantial evidence is beginning to look overwhelming.

Let's start with the fact that the woman spent three years pretending to have sex with Tom Cruise; a man whose recent exploits have somewhat overshadowed his previous conflicts with male porn stars.

She followed that up by dating her Sahara costar Matthew McConaughey. Surprisingly, they split after only one year, and Matthew has since moved on.

More than just a beard, Penelope also starred in 2004's Head in the Clouds and had a love scene with Charlize Theron. Obviously, any actor who can believably perform a love scene with someone of the same sex must be actually attracted to that sex. That's just common sense. Not to mention the fact that she was quoted as saying that kissing Charlize was the best on-screen kiss she ever had.

Finally, there is the fact that she grabbed Salma Hayek's ass at a press conference and blamed her behavior on "the flu." That excuse doesn't even make sense. Seriously, she's not really trying anymore. Maybe because she realizes that coming out can totally help one's career.

Gawker Stalker

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