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• Why does Suri Cruise look so freaking weird? Because she's everyone's baby, a child of the whole wide world. Makes you feel fuzzy, don't it? [Defamer]
• Jessica Simpson and John Mayer aren't a couple, and that might have something to do with his relationship requirements: lots and lots of phone sex. It helps if your name is Misty. [RS]
Total Eclipse of the Heart causes Belgians' eardrums to explode. The song is just that good. [Consumerist]
• For NYU students: how to fuck up your suicide attempt. [Wikihow]
• The Corcodevil is going for $50 off — now you only have to fork over $150 to look Satan in the eye and ask why you've been forced to buy in Bushwick. [NYT]
• Only 21% of reviews were hot for Katie Couric's first newscast. Let's see what she wears tonight, shall we? [Journalism]