Tom Cruise Becomes Redskins Owner's VIP Mascot

Politics-obsessed sibling site Wonkette points us to today's Reliable Source column in the Washington Post, which notes that Tom Cruise will be joining Redskins owner and new, deep-pocketed BFF Daniel Snyder at tonight's Monday Night Football game (we're told he was already spotted in a pre-game spot on ESPN moments ago), where we're sure the batshit-insane-in-love star and alleged new dad will respond to every owner's box close-up with a feverish makeout session with war bride Katie Holmes. The Source further reports that Cruise and family were also treated to a night at Snyder's Six Flags theme park yesterday, where the actor could see firsthand where all of the amusement park money that's going to keep his production company afloat comes from:

Landing a superstar for your owner's box? Mission possible! Dan Snyder asked Tom Cruise to join him at tonight's Redskins game at FedEx field — and not only did Cruise accept, he's bringing along fiancee Katie Holmes, daughter Isabella, and son Connor. Even better: The Cruise family — including baby Suri — are staying at Snyder's Potomac home.
Yesterday, the Cruise family paid a surprise visit to Six Flags amusement park (which Snyder also owns), accompanied by Snyder, his wife, Tanya, and their three kids, Redskins veep Vinny Cerrato, with his wife, Rebecca, and their two kids, and Six Flags CEO Mark Shapiro. A small group of staffers kept the park open after-hours for the VIP guests, who arrived at 7 p.m. and spent more than three hours riding The Joker's Jinx, Wild One, Mind Eraser roller coasters, bumper carts, go carts and eating pizza, chicken fingers, funnel cake and Dippin' Dots ice cream. There was even an informal closing ceremony at end of the night with the park characters and employees, where Cruise and Snyder led the kids in the Electric Slide, Hokey Pokey and limbo in the park's town square.

When it was announced that Snyder would be funding Cruise's newly independent filmmaking ventures, we weren't exactly sure what the billionaire would be getting for his money, other than the prestige of bankrolling a movie star. We should have given the shrewd businessman more credit, for now it's obvious that Snyder's pocket change has purchased the services of the world's most famous mascot, who in his filmmaking downtime will be required to patrol the sidelines at Redskins games (Chief Couch Jumper has a fitting, culturally insensitive ring to it, no?) or conduct one-man Crazy Parades at various Six Flags properties in exchange for that $3 million a year in Cruise/Wagner overhead costs.