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• After her recently fired flack Rob Shuter planted less-than-true items about her non-relationship with John Mayer, Jessica Simpson goes on serious damage control, placing personal phone calls to the celebrity weekly editor posse and apologizing for making everyone look like dumbasses. People editor Larry Hackett, however, didn't take the call. Time Inc. is a very "talk to the hand" kind of place. [Radar]
• Alas, the court documents pertaining to the separation of Whitney Houston and Bobby Brown aren't half as interesting as their show (speaking of: if ever there were a time to bring that shit back, it'd be now). And lest you forget, there's actually a 13-year-old daughter involved here, who's probably been wandering the streets for months. [TMZ]
• Meanwhile, Roger Friedman fondly remembers the days of "I Wanna Dance With Somebody." [Fox411]
• The death of Anna Nicole Smith's son is being deemed "suspicious;" Smith herself didn't remember what happened, having gone into shock. [Reuters]
• Harvard likes its money, and the school doesn't care where it came from. Thus they won't be giving back alleged hebephile Jeffrey Epstein's $6.5 million donation. You know how it goes: as long as the dollar bills aren't sticky... [Page Six]
• Crazy old coot Dr. Laura believes that "women act like unpaid whores," and she's right. Get paid, bitches! Don't do that GGW crap for free! [Page Six]