Defamer Fan Art: Grappling With Tom Cruise

The shadowy figure known only as Big Red, who claims to have spent a sweaty evening entwined in a figure four leglock with Tom Cruise, was unmasked by Hollywood Interrupted as gay porn actor Nathan Hamilton, seen here (pictures NSFW and NSFAEL*) in a 2001 interview and pictorial with Based on a purely superficial assessment of the photos provided, plus figuring in what meager knowledge we have of five-year-old trends in the gay escorting sector, we're going to go out on a limb and assume any wealthy megastar willing to risk it all on one night of man-to-man passion would probably opt not to kiss a little longer, hold tight a little longer with this particular Big Red. Instead, let's continue to keep the Greco-Roman fantasy alive, with the above, reader-submitted mock-up of Tom looking at peace as he tenderly overpowers a lover/opponent named purely for singlet color, and not any firecrotched attributes currently seared into our minds.

*Not safe for anyone eating lunch.