Unified Celebrity Theory Puts Britney Spears' Odds For Happiness At An Even 0-To-0

Our right-coasted, left-brained sibling Gawker share an intimidating algorithm they found in the NYT that attempts to predict the percentage of likelihood of celebrity marriage success. (It's in their subscription-only TimesSelect section, once again demonstrating how higher learning is really the exclusive realm of those who can afford it.) The Sundem/Tierney Unified Celebrity Theory then spits out some deeply discouraging math, putting Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie's chances of making a marriage work at a mere 10%. Based on Pitt's recent comments, however, we doubt such formulation will ever apply, at least until a Sundem/Tierney Celebrity Philanthropic Civil Partnership Theory is devised. Even bleaker are Britney Spears and Kevin Federline's prospects—0% chance of lasting to their wood-and-silverware, fifth anniversary—though due to the equations exclusion of procreative data, we can't say that number is completely accurate. Surely success rates are higher when you figure in such matrimonial bond-strengthening data as the B/d* factor.

*Babies made/dropped.