Hollywood PrivacyWatch: Kirstie Alley Torn Between Disembowled Starlets And Brutal African Dictators

PrivacyWatch celebrity sightings are submitted by our readers, and are now posted several times a week—so start sending them in more often. Send yours to tips[AT]defamer.com (please put "sighting" or "PrivacyWatch" in the subject line) and let the world hear all about the time you spotted television's Blossom, Mayim Bialik, looking so damn fine she nearly knocked the gay right out of you.

In today's episode: Kirstie Alley; Tom Hanks; Ben Affleck; Robert Downey Jr.; Tim Meadows; Star Jones; Keanu Reeves; Robert Wagner; Ryan Seacrest; Reese Witherspoon, Amber Valetta and Kirsty Hume; Sidney Poitier; James Woods; Larry Flynt; Ellen Pompeo and Eric Dane; Justin Chambers; Meg white, Devendra Bernhard and Zooey Deschanel; Bryan Singer; Drew Barrymore and Slash; Jason Schwartzman; Rachel McAdams, Robin Tunney, Clea Duvall and Sarah Michelle Gellar; Kirsten Dunst; Tori Spelling and Dean McDermott; Peter Bogdonavich and Henry Winkler; Adrian Grenier; Clay Aiken and Paul Moyer; Rebecca Romijn, Jerry O'Connell, Lance Bass, Reichen Lehmkuhl and Joshua Jackson; Weird Al Yankovic; Donald Faison; Johnny Galecki; Madeleine Stowe and Annabeth Gish; Dyan Cannon; Tucker Carlson; Steve Coogan; Shane West; Gus Van Sant and Casey Affleck; Melissa Rivers; Rebecca De Mornay; Troy Garrity; Richard Kahan; Mayim Bialik; Ashley Madison; Gedde Watanabe; Jason Wahler; Paris Latsis and Laurie Ann Gibson.

· Saturday night (9/30) I went to the ArcLight to see a showing of The Last Kiss with a friend. Kirstie Alley was directly in front of me in line to buy tickets, she looked surprisingly trim and attractive, although her hair had obviously not been washed or brushed in days, which somehow made her appear more normal to me and my friend. She was with three kids, two of which I know are hers and one might have been a friend. Anyway, I swear they took about 45 mins to buy their tickets because they kept changing their minds about which show to see, first she bought 4 tickets to see The Black Dahlia, and then returned them and bought 4 tickets to see The Last King of Scotland, and then returned those to buy 4 tickets to see the Black Dahlia again! Everyone in line was fuming and she never even turned back to apologize or acknowledge that she had held up the line forever!

· Saw Tom Hanks at Tacos Por Favor on Olympic in Santa Monica this afternoon (10/02) with some friends/business buddies. He looked laid back and wore Lee jeans, like a true American. Nobody said anything or interrupted his lunch. I think he had a burrito. And a Diet Coke.

· A group I was with purchased a table at the Empire Ballroom in Vegas 4ish in the morning this past Sunday. Just as we were sitting down, some guy sidesteps me and begins barking orders to the bouncer. Offended, I informed him we had just purchased the table, it was the last open table, and would he please move. He looked up at me, ok so it's Ben Affleck, asked me if I was with some film group, and told me they would get me another table. The convo went back and forth for a bit, but it was I who ended up staying at the table. I'm pretty sure they got him another one.

·Early Saturday morning (9/30), out for a spin, driving west down
Colorado Avenue in Santa Monica when who do I see but the new Iron Man
himself, Robert Downey Jr., out for a walk or something. He did not
respond to my car horn honk.

Monday (9/2), former SNL token black guy and 'Ladies Man' Tim Meadows, doing his best to wear out the treadmill at Gold's Gym in Venice.

· So I was in town for a quick fall shopping trip with a friend from SD and managed to bump into the following:

9/21 - Star Jones shopping on Robertson - being totally stalked by paparrazzi - yikes, must have been a slow day for paps if that's all they could muster up..She looked as you'd expect - kind of a too big head for her figure..No Al in sight...

9/21 - Il Sole for dinner - Keanu Reeves was having dinner near us on the patio, was with a tall blonde - she was kind of "horsy" in the face -it didnt really look like a date..He was on his cell most of the time..but I guess that doesnt mean much..

9/22 - a very waxy looking Robert Wagner on the patio at Orso with Jill St John and some kids in tow - maybe theirs? It was hard to tell.. he looked so plastic it was almost like a caricature of himself. Doris Roberts was there as well having lunch with someone inside..The only reason I caught her was seeing her hair from across the room..

9/23 Hit Sushi Roku on 3rd for a late lunch and Ryan Seacrest was there -trying very hard to look hetero with a pretty, petite (skeletal) blonde. He was super casual in jeans and tee, and big baseball hat pulled very low..After lunch, they left in a black Bentley with new plates..He must be happy to be back from BFE AI auditions..Probably cant' get decent sushi or rent a Bentley in Iowa..

· trifecta of blondes at Barney's today (9-28). A petite Reese Witherspoon and friend buying jeans, along with Amber Valetta doing the same. later, wandering the floor was Kirsty Hume. Wow, tall and gangly. After, did a quick run through Neiman's, alongside of Russell Crowe.

· 9/23 Sidney Poitier walking into Bristol Farms in BH as I walked out with a bag full of French cheese. He looked very stately (but balding) and gave me a strange look, possibly because I had Siouxsie Sioux makeup on for the Totally 80s concert at the Hollywood Bowl.

· 10/1 Saw James Woods and a very young girl walking a tiny dog this morning on Burton Way near the Hermitage Hotel. He was holding the leash and looked at me as I rode by. She looked about 15.

· 9/28 Saw the HUSTLR Rolls in the driveway of the 4 Seasons and the back of Larry Flynt's head. He was in his gold wheelchair as usual.

· Tuesday, September 26th at 1:30 p.m. Driving in Los Feliz. I caught a glimpse of a very Hollywood-looking couple in a black Range Rover two cars behind me. Couldn't see them clearly in the rear view mirror, but the rugged good looks of the guy and the big sunglasses and pouty lips of the girl made me wonder if I was on the verge of a coveted Brad and Angie sighting. I parked and grabbed a table at the Alcove just as the Range Rover pulled up in front. As it turns out, it was Ellen Pompeo and Eric Dane (McSteamy). Ellen looked cute and casual in tight jeans, a sweater and black Converse. She is very thin but not any more so than half of the aspiring actresses in this town. I am happy to report that she enthusiastically ate a decent meal. Eric was strikingly handsome, in spite of the strange facial hair. And despite what my scandal-happy mind hoped for, it seems like Ellen and Eric are just friends/co-workers.

· When taking a walk in my nabe I saw two men (one white dude, one black) with a bunch of African American kids under the age of ten. I recognized Justin Chambers as one of the guys, and knew it had to be him b/c I knew he has a lot of kids — which makes him only hotter in real life. Guess he got out of work early to spend some time with the fam. Good for him.

· Went to the Little Joy, our default Echo Park dive bar, and quickly realized that the shockingly awesome DJing was being done by the expert threesome of Meg White, Devendra Berhard, and Zooey Deschanel. They were all crammed into the tiny DJ booth and having a grand time. Zooey is absolutely stunning and Meg White was actually cracking a smile or two. Devendra looks like a girl. Good times.

· Bryan Singer, Orso, Monday Oct. 2. I wanted to say Superman Returns was a snore, but X-Men 1 and 2 weren't, but I didn't.

· 9/26 - Tom Petty & the Heartbreakers / The Strokes show at the Hollywood Bowl. Drew Barrymore (surprise). Out in the parking lot right before Tom Petty's set, Slash and his wife hoofing it through the parking lot. Apparently they didn't spring for valet. Dressed in all black, still rocking that almost wig-like hair. He was shorter than his wife and she had huge boobs.

· 10/1 — While enjoying lunch @ Cafe M on Melrose I had the good fortune of spying comedic leprechaun Jason Schwartzman, who was dining with a very pretty Rachel McAdams look-alike but did not surrender his pot of gold when I tackled him. Also in attendance was Robin Tunney, most recently of Prison Break, who looked great and seemed very friendly.

After a scrumptious lunch I went next door to the new Pinkberry location and there on the meager little patio sat raging lesbian [says my boyfriend] Clea Duvall and none other than former Vampire Slayer herself, the very petite Buffy Anne Summers [Sarah Michelle Gellar]. Maybe they became friends while filming that episode during the first season where Clea turns invisible? Either way, SMG was so tiny I'm going to have a hard time watching her kick monster ass while sitting alone in my parents' basement on Saturday nights from now on...

· Actually, more of a sighting of a sighting. Across the street from Cheebo on Sunset there is a Pavarotti hiding in the driveway snapping photos of Kirsten Dunst. Do they still pay for her? Must be a slow day. Or maybe they get extra points for sightings of "eating" so that next week People can run more articles on stars being too skinny or US can prove that stars are "just like us ... they require sustenance."

· Last Friday night, I saw Tori Spelling and her hubby (Dean McDermott) standing outside of Mr. Cecil's BBQ on Ventura Blvd in Sherman Oaks. Looks like they were waiting for the valet to bring their car around. He was very tall, goodlooking and wore glasses. She was super tiny, cute and was very into texting at the moment. So the rumors are true? Tori is living in the valley and hard up for cash?

· Adrian Grenier in Peet's Coffee in Santa Monica on Sunday (9/24), late afternoon. By himself, looking handsome and disheveled.

· I believe that was Clay Aiken I saw walking back to his car in the Musso's parking lot last night (9/27), but I can't be sure 'cause my ovaries weren't shakin'. I was much more impressed with my Paul Moyer sighting, 'tho I see him about every other time I'm there.

· Henry Winkler celebrating his daughter's birthday at Madeo's on Beverly on 9/25, while Peter Bogdanovich looked on from a neighboring table.

· I was at the Scissor Sisters concert last night waiting in line to get a drink (the wait was up to 30 minutes for a drink, it sucked) when Rebecca Romijn and Jerry O'Connell come cutting through and scampering off towards the backstage area. It appeared they were trying to go back stage, they were there for a good ten minutes then came back across the same way (the line had yet to move). They were rushing across and kinda looking down trying to shield their identity but no one really seemed to pay much attention to them, or care.

· 9.28.06 Shrine Expo, Scissor Sisters Concert. Whilst milling about this sorry excuse for a concert venue looking for my faggle, I spotted Rebecca Romijn No longer Stamos weaving through the crowd with the luckiest hetero on the planet, Jerry O'Connell. RR looked amazing—tall, blonde and prettier than you would have imagined. JO'C looked like a typical frat boy with what could best be described as a mullet. Dude needs to get his hair did. The gays around her in the drink line were giddy and all enamored with her fabulousness, obviously more in tune with the sultry looks of RR than Kangaroo Jack's hunkiness. Those gays...so fickle.

· Last night (9/28) at the Scissor Sisters concert, I saw Lance Bass and Reichen Lehmkuhl as we were walking in. Reichen did that "reach back for your partner's hand" thing, in a very "he's more than just my financial support - it's also about the heart" kind of way. I nearly teared up, and there wasn't a camera to be seen.

And I also saw Joshua Jackson there, and I'm pretty sure he was wearing the same clothes he was wearing when I saw him Monday outside of Swingers in Santa Monica. He's always sulking around with his hands in his pockets, glaring at everyone for recognition, then daring them to approach him.

· I completely forgot about this, but I saw Weird Al Yankovic at the West Hollywood Post Office. You notice the hair first, then the stooped posture. Then the hideous button up shirt. He looked so absurdly young (wasn't he in his 30's in the 80's?) that I thought it wasn't WAY, until I took a second look. It's him. Woot.

· Was at the Coffee Bean across from the DGA sitting next to a guy being told that his "audition monologue" needed to be more like Ewan McGregor's Obi-Wan speeches in "Star Wars" (I shit you not) when Dr. Christopher Turk - Donald Faison - showed up in a bright orange t-shirt and looking straight off the "Scrubs" set - shaved head, small mustache. Completely alone (and on the wrong side of the hill - isn't it a school day?), he glanced around to see if anyone was going to be Weird About A Semi-Sleb Showing Up and then went in and got his drink. As tall in person as you might imagine.

· Johnny Galecki, dining al fresco with two friends at Empress (formerly Sushi on Sunset) on Friday Sep. 29 at about 9 PM. If I were female or gay, I might say he looked hot. Being hetero is so retro these days.

· 9/29. Waiting for a friend at Clementine, spotted MADELEINE STOWE outside and was about to approach and ask her what it was like to play Mischa Barton's mother in "Octane," when a pregnant ANNABETH GISH walked in. Since I saw every episode of "Brotherhood," I was more interested in learning whether the show has been renewed than whether Mischa was a pain-in-the-ass on the set. Annabeth could not have been nicer. We chatted amiably for five minutes, during which I learned her series has been renewed, also that she's giving birth in January.

· At the Grove last night Sunday, 1 October, 6:00pm, Dyan Cannon walking through the Sunday Grove throngs, clutching a tiny red chihuahua.

· Tucker Carlson standing in line to buy a bottle of water at LAX on 9/26

· Went to satisfy a craving for Cornish pasties at Ye Olde Kings Head in Santa Monica on Wednesday and was seated kitty corner from Steve Coogan and another man. I then spent most of the meal trying to explain who he is to my unimpressed dinner companion. He went unnoticed by all and sundry, though he did take a picture with the infatuated waitress. After about an hour he got into a new mustang and roared off before I had to chance to ask about any cracking owl sanctuaries. Ah, well. Next time.

· friday 9/29 - While enjoying an early bird dinner at fred 62 on Vermont with family saw Shane West at an outside table by himself. wearing red shirt and jeans, no sunglasses. we felt bad for him because he was by himself, but as he roared off in a killer vintage camero (dont know the year, im a girl) we didn't feel so sad.

capping off our sighting hat trick, on our way home as we passed tropicale on hillhurst Gus Van Sant followed by Casey Affleck. resisted the urge to tell him "the last kiss" sucked.

· Help I'm a Nobody, Get Me Into her!
Just spotted E! fashionista Melissa Rivers throwing a tennis ball for her dog in Malibu - north of Zuma, south of Villa Brangelina. She was Sunday morning casual in Pink sweats and says hi, introducing us to "Mike" (3/4 Collie, 1/4 random hound), whom she got off the internet after he was found "tied to a tree". All in all, very superfriendly and unassuming, which is a real relief. The last celeb I saw with a dog I here was incredible melting man Mickey Rourke doing tai chi moves for his designer chihuahua.

· Over in Culver City (?!) wife and I walked past a still-kinda-smokin' Rebecca De Mornay with her two kids. Just joshing, I said to my wife "you guys are the almost same age and both have two kids. Why don't YOU look like that? Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!" Needless to say, I will not be having sex anymore in the 2000's.

· Eat Well, East Side, Sunday Sept. 24: Saw Jane Fonda's son Troy Garrity. He was with a pretty woman (she: the went-to-Brown and grew-up-in-the-Cosby-family type) and looked leaner and hotter than I remembered. I don't think he was wearing a cowboy hat, but he has the presence of a man wearing a cowboy hat.

· Here's a C-List sighting, although it's A-List in my personal world. Friday night, 9-22, at Wilson Restaurant in Culver City: Richard Kahan, who plays Marco Pacella of NTAC on "The 4400." You know, he's the guy who dated Diana, who not only has a daughter who can see the future, but a wacky hippie sister with tatoos. He is one snacky computer nerd. And he's from Manitoba - that gets my heart racing, I think. Beats an Edgar Stiles spotting anyday.

· Blossom! Mayim Bialik, at the Brig at the Abbott Kinney Street Festival on 9-24. She looked rather f*&cking hot, which is saying something in that I don't play for her team. We'll just forget that she was guest-starred in "Fat Actress."

· Last night at Casa Vega saw James Woods' kindergartner of an ex-gf (Ashley Myrick/Madison). Chatting the ear off of whoever will listen about "Jimmy this, Jimmy that," her role on Entourage, how the media made up mean stories about her, and her "great genetics." Our waiter looked like Mario Lopez, which -although false- was a more exciting sighting.

· Wednesday night @ dan tana's. Amongst all the aging actors and plastic surgery nightmares I saw Long Duck Dong (Gedde Watanabe) from 16 candles. No more yanky me wanky, the donger needed food.

· Saw Jason Wahler of Laguna Beach and The Hills fame at Toast for brunch today (10/1). Although "J.Wahl" was with two very attractive blond women — sorry L.C., there a dime a dozen in Southern California — he was talking on his cell phone. Perhaps to his criminal defense attorney?

· Monday, September 25 - PARIS LATSIS at TORTINO in WESTWOOD for lunch. Table for two with a middle-aged guy. BoyParis had on sunglasses, looked depressed, and was texting away on his Sidekick. Oh, GirlParis, where are you??? "I GIVE YOU EVERYTHING!"

· 10/1, Burbank Airport: Spotted Laurie Ann Gibson of Honey and Making the Band 3 fame. It was 6am, but Laurie Ann was looking fab in a fuschia sweatsuit, smiling and chatting with her friends. Boom boom kat!