1 Thing: Adderall, King of the Amphetamines

"1 Thing" is one daily thing recommended for you, by us.

We're no stranger to stimulants: it started innocently enough with a soda in junior high, but by the time we got our drivers license, we were mainlining three cups of coffee a day, our growth stunted by a good two inches. We toyed with other methods — Jolt, Red Bull, Mini-Thins — but nothing could ever keep us going like we needed. Besides blow, that is, but the shitting and snotting got to us. Then every slightly hyper child started getting doped with Ritalin, and things started to look up. Pills change everything.

It took just about nothing to get a prescription, but even Ritalin had its drawbacks: the drug's initial kick quickly dulled, and our tolerance increased to the point where the pills utterly ineffective. We knew what we wanted, but the doctor was going to make us work for it, first doling out Provigil before giving us the golden ticket. Provigil, however, made us feel lightheaded and gave the not-unpleasant sensation of smoking crack — fun, but not for purposes of productivity.

Back to the doctor we went again for a third try, and finally we got what we were looking for: Adderall, the perfect stimulant. As a generic amphetamine, it's ridiculously affordable; the name-brand XR version provides an extended release, helping to ease that nasty crash one gets after four hours. It's effective, dosage is easily upped in small increments, and one's tolerance increases quite slowly. Take your Adderall and you are alert, working, a machine of industry and a beacon of productivity (but not frighteningly so). You don't even need to eat! It is, quite simply, the miracle drug for workaholics and/or lazy folk. And, because Adderall is the drug most responsible for getting Gawker editors writing at 7:30 AM, we recommend it with out hesitation. Lord knows our loyalty is lifelong.