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Each time we petition our TiVo to record Sunday Morning Shootout, in which Variety's Peter Bart and producer Peter Guber loudly discuss matters of incredible, industry-centric import, we are met with the same error message, sweetly delivered by the machine's adorably homuncular, bipedal-TV mascot: "Why not watch some football, pussy?" Inevitably, we succumb to the taunt, and miss out on worthwhile exchanges like the one from yesterday's show involving Universal nice-guy potentate Ron Meyer's evaluation of Sumner Redstone's recent, pinkslip-happy reign of terror at Viacom. The Corsair blog summarizes:

Ron Meyer, a softspoken man, who didn't even have a bad word for his former partner, the exiled Mike Ovitz, took the Methuselan Sumner Redstone to task for his spasmodic corporate governance with a well-delivered bitchslap, saying:

"I think the Tom Cruise thing was handled poorly ... to make a statement — for Sumner Redstone — that Tom Cruise is not the type of person that (Paramount) wants to be in business with ... frankly, I don't understand it."

Ka-pow! And all the Frestonians, to be sure, sprayed hot tears of mirth. Then, rebounding the bitchslap with backhand, Ron Meyers [sic] added, "Being an asshole doesn't get you results."

Once Meyer's cutting remarks were relayed to the senescent Viacom overlord by his staff of television-transcription scribes (he rarely watches the "devil's box" these days), it took his highest-level lieutenants the better part of the afternoon to explain to him that since Meyer is an employee of a different multimedia conglomerate, Redstone's demands that the "mouthy whippersnapper" be immediately terminated would be, at best, a purely symbolic move. And after two more hours of calming down their boss, he finally took off the table an offer that one of his minions "might find a little something extra in his paycheck if Meyer's car mysteriously explodes on the way home from work."