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On his blog, Access Hollywood's Billy Bush is proudly touting his "get" of the "the first interview with Michael Jackson since he left the United States in June 2005." But as we're sure you already suspect, Jackson wasn't really interested in chatting about his more sensational, recent pursuits involving leprechauns or recreational cross-dressing. Instead, Bush would have to be satisfied with discussing his current musical pursuits, hoping to squeeze in some juicier questions while pretending that samples of "Bad" injected into the thousandth remix of "My Humps" was just the thing to resurrect Jackson's long-dead career:

It is not a bare all, rehashing of that period of his life. I was prepared to ask him all the questions in the world regarding mistakes made and lessons learned, but trust me, he was not. He asked if 5 minutes of rolling tape was ok in the studio while he "collaborated" with Will.I.Am from the Black Eyed Peas. Ultimately, We rolled for about 40 minutes and I did ask him questions about music and his thoughts for making a comeback.

Michael Jackson was nervous and antsy. He was truly torn. He wanted to stay and keep jamming and have some fun, but he also wanted to leave before, from his perspective, he got crucified by another TV interview.

Michael's publicist and advisor, Raymone Bain, informed us (me and my Executive Producer, Rob Silverstein - pictured above with Michael and Will.I.Am) that Michael would like to meet us alone, no cameras, in his cottage first. We agreed of course and before long we were seated at a breakfast table in a very cozy, humble stone cottage. Down the spiral staircase he came. First his boots, then his with a gold stripe down the side, then a velvet jacket with a white t-shirt underneath, then he turned to face us. I admit, my pulse was running high. He is a mythical character as atypical and untouchable as can be.

And it was there in that lonely cottage that young Billy Bush, having already had his defenses dangerously lowered by seeing the Erstwhile King of Pop practicing the craft that once made him one of the richest and most beloved people in the world, was molested. But Bush was surprised to find that Jackson's greedy caresses were not those of the Cub-scout-gobbling monster depicted in the media, but rather just the sexually confident actions of a man who simply knows what he wants and isn't afraid to take it, even from the boyish-enough host of a celebrity news show.