If you ask us, the secrets behind meaningful friendships are simple. Sometimes they involve the consumption of unhealthy amounts of alcohol and awkward sex resulting from such activities, other times, it's lying about how those pants look, just so you can poke fun at how big her ass looks. Thinking those ideals were a little superficial, we sent Intern Heather and wingman Angelina across New York's social Maginot Line to celebrate the release of Roger Horchow and Sally Horchow's (yes, those Horchows) The Art of Friendship: 70 Simple Rules for Making Meaningful Connections, where they discovered amidst seventeen-thousand dollar pens and half-filled martini glasses the REAL secret behind strong alliances: being rich.

After the jump, Heather's face gets molested by the original Bachelor and Angelina makes friends with Rupert Murdoch Chris Meiger.

Roger Horchow and Sally Horchow, signing books with, presumably, very expensive pens.

TPC's WTF?!? Moment: discovering they actually had to buy the books. What kind of bullshit is THAT?

These kids, at first, recoiled at the mention of Gawker. Then, like any pack of good attention whores, they obliged for the camera.

Courtney Nichols runs a company that allows travelers to skip security lines at airports. How do you feel about that?

Chris Meiger, self-proclaimed Rupert Murdoch of the room, trades tips with Angelina about self-tanners and driving media empires into the ground.

Alex Michel attempts to convince Intern Heather not to write obnoxious things about him. There was distinct lack of roses, and Chris Harrison was nowhere to be seen - both essential in intern bribery.

Malcolm Gladwell (who penned the intro for his erstwhile unrequited crush, Sally) said he couldn't take a camera so small remotely seriously. Coco Masters agreed, which is not surprising because we can hardly even take ourselves seriously.

Richard Claflin, Arden Myrin and Alex Michel are smiling because they are much, much richer than you.

We felt slightly less inadequate when we discovered Sharyn Rosart (who packaged the book for the Horchows) carries a lidless Bic pen, too.

Freddy, the lovely waiter who got TPC much, much, much too drunk. At least that shit was free.

We have no idea who this woman is, but we felt she merited a mention because, well, just look at her - the absolute definition of 'awesome'.

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