After two full days of huddling with the finest minds from both the INS and the International Congress On Black Market Orphan Commerce for a summit addressing what to do about Defamer associate editor Seth Abramovitch's recent purchase of a toddler at a Parisian babymonger's stall, a difficult solution was reached: Early this morning, an orphans'-rights group stormed Seth's apartment and snatched little Henri (aka "Andy Roddick") from his makeshift bassinet (a repurposed Los Angeles County recycling bin fitted with a canopy constructed from the pages of a three-month old issue of Us Weekly), beginning the first leg of the child's long journey back to his lavishly appointed veal crate in the City of Light's finest orphan bazaar, where he will patiently await purchase by a childless French couple who will refrain from harming his emotional development by giving him the name of a professional tennis player they sexually desire. Seth, of course, is devastated, but I've assured him that the best way to deal with such a profound personal loss is to throw himself into his work, and I've promised to read as many wailing "HEEEENNNRRIIII!!! :-( :-( :-( " instant messages as it takes to get him through this difficult period.

Back to work for both of us, knowing that Henri's in a far, far better place.