Douches: Time To Bag It?

Now that half of us have a vagina (it's like Middlesex!) there's been some discussion of the whole D-word issue. Don't get us wrong. It's not that (50%) of our delicate ladyish sensibilities are offended or anything; far from it. It's just that, as vagina-havers, we want to branch out a little bit in the realm of vagina-related insults. Also, we couldn't help but notice that the trope is now so bitten and tired, it pretty much begs to be called "Already Over" (if Already Over wasn't Already Over, obvs). Plus, Dolce has co-opted it for his own use. What a fucking asswizard!
But after scraping the barrel-bottom pretty hard, we couldn't come up with a replacement term of insultdearment. So we turn to you, dear readers. What is the new word we'll be overusing compulsively? Email, or just leave 'em in the comments. The winning neologist will receive a bottle of luxurious Balneol Perianal Cleansing Lotion, pictured above. It may not seem like much, but according to a commenter at, "it will last at least 6 to 8 months even in the most busy of households." Rules here.