The One Where Aaron Sorkin Sucks All The Fun Out Of A Routine Teeth Cleaning

Die-hard Aaron Sorkin junkies who find themselves unable to wait until Monday night's Studio 60 broadcast (NBC says they're standing behind it for now, despite nasty, nasty rumors) for their next fix of his signature rat-a-tat, call-and-response banter might find themselves temporarily sated by McSweeney's transcript of Sorkin's last trip to the dental hygenist:

DENTAL HYGIENIST: I just need to ...

AARON SORKIN: You know what's weird about Poulenc? It sounds like you're pronouncing him wrong, even when you're doing it right. It's the "ank" sound, as in "Paul Anka." I guess you've never heard of Paul Anka, either.

DENTAL HYGIENIST: Can you open wide for me, please?

AARON SORKIN: You would think it would be the "ankh" sound, as in the ankh, the Egyptian symbol of life. But it's not. It's the Paul Anka sound. You know, it would help if you said certain words back to me, just random sentences that use the same key words I'm using.

DENTAL HYGIENIST: I have a lot of other patients who need their teeth cleaned, so ...

AARON SORKIN: Like I say, "Les Six," and you say, "Les Shut Up!" Something like that. I don't know. That's just off the top of my head. It doesn't have to make sense. It just has to sound like banter. It has to give a banterlike impression. Hey, that's a good example. I could say, "It just has to sound like banter," and then you shoot back, real quick-like, "Oh, it has to give a banterlike impression." We just say the same words back to one another over and over in different random orders.

The rest of the exchange is here. And if you're still not satisfied, there's always TV writer Ken Levine's recent conception of what might happen if Sorkin turned his dramatic attention to our national pastime.