Friday Afternoon Studio Panic Theater: 'Borat' Showing Tragically Low Awareness In Highly Scientific Internet Poll Of Midwesterners


Somewhere deep within Fox's distribution department, the following conversation is taking place:

Assistant: "Boss, you gotta see the latest tracking data. 57 percent of people in Chicago don't even know what a Borat is."

Boss: "Holy shit. Chicago? That's, like, civilization. What are they saying in Omaha?"

Assistant: "I don't know. I haven't checked their radio station websites."

Boss: "Don't. [beat] Shit. OK. Think, think. We've already cut the movie back to 800 theaters. Is it too late to bring that down to 5 screens, and only in NY and LA? Get some word of mouth going?"

Assistant: "I'm afraid so. It's Friday afternoon. The prints are out. "

Boss: [dousing office with gasoline] "I'd suggest you take your cyanide capsule now. Things are about to get a little hairy."

Assistant: "I'm scared, boss."

Boss: "Don't be. We've done everything we could. I just hope Sacha will one day forgive us. He deserves better."

Assistant: [biting capsule] "I love you, boss."

Boss: [striking match] "Ditto, kid. See you on the other side."