10. The Cobrasnake. Island Salad Pie photo #0818: The longtime readers of this weekly dispatch of dispiriting pictures have undoubtedly noticed, probably with no small amount of repulsion, the meteoric rise of Cory Kennedy from anonymous teenage runaway moron muse to "talk of the town" totally hip and happening "Internet It Girl", whatever the fuck that means. In all likelihood, our predilection for ridiculing her in this space has probably played more than a little part in the unwarranted amount of attention she now seems to be receiving, which is a potential irony we'd prefer to consider to no further, and the reason that after the following farewell tribute to our own little douchebagamuffin, her name shall henceforth be unmentioned in these parts of the Internet.
9. The Cobrasnake. Island Salad Pie photo #0626: I like to think that this picture represents the first time the fates of Cory and Cobra became intertwined. He was in a toy store looking for some wacky ironic fashion accessory to wear to that night's party. She was in a toy store looking for toys. The rest is the stuff of Internet It Girl legend.
8. The Cobrasnake. Playstation Upsidedown photo #1468: I have neither the energy nor the inclination. Make your own jokes.
7. The Cobrasnake. Island Salad Pie photo #9844: Anyone who pays attention to the Cory/Cobra love affair storyline here on The Dumb & The Pointless will have undoubtedly noticed that Dopeyeyes has recently been too busy achieving her "Internet It-Girl" pseudo-celebrity status to spend any time doing the one thing she's truly good at - looking vaguely frightened and exploited atop a messy bed, holding a battered brown bag full of god only knows what. It's nice to see her return to form. This is Classic Cory.
6. The Cobrasnake. Island Salad Pie photo #9959A: Aww, it's true. All you need is love. And a shotgun.
5. Cory Kennedy's Blog: I've a had lot of fun with "Quotable Cory", but will most certainly not miss trying to somehow regress my brain to a state that somehow approximates the dried-up stream of consciousness from which she draws her driblets of inane babbling and name-dropping. So one last time, it is your challenge to identify which three statements were actually written on Cory's blog, and which one is my own attempt at mimicking her beautiful prose. Answer at the end:
a) "while i was ivanka trump pianohead the second walked in!"
b) "balloons, so many balloons. i wanted to help with that but balloons totally freak me out. i wait around then ashley olsen walks in with some beauuuutiful flowers."
c) "funday monday started off with meeting up with mark after school to go adventure out the day with todd selby."
d) "doopedy dippiddy doo dah dubbs"
4. The Cobrasnake. Island Salad Pie photo #0039: "Donald Trump's my daddy. Who's your daddy?" "Vincent Gallo." "Who's that?" "I dunno." "Totally." "Hee Hee."
3. YouTube. Paper Magazine LA Project 2006. Cory Kennedy video: Now that she's transmogrified from a stationary photograph of wanton starvation into a moving, speaking entity with silly opinions and adorable misconceptions about art and culture, what else is really left to say?
2. The Cobrasnake. Playstation Upsidedown photo #1412: You know how in Back to the Future, Doc keeps warning Marty that if he were to run into himself in the past, it would disrupt the space-time continuum, send planes of existence colliding together and ultimately result in the complete annihilation of reality as we know it? That's exactly what's happening here.
1. The Cobrasnake. Playstation Upsidedown photo #1283: After her adventures as an Internet It Girl among the hiptards of planet Earth, Cory Kennedy finally appears to be ready to return home where she belongs. In some ways, she's just like E.T., except more weird-looking.