Breaking: You're Never Gonna Know If O.J. Did It

And now let's get back to the serious questions affecting this country: questions about Anderson Cooper's sexual orientation.

Breaking News: O.J. Simpson's If I Did It Cancelled [B&C]
News Corp. Cancels O.J. Simpson Book and TV Special [Fox News]

Also breaking: Our servers! But, you know, it's not like we're concerned about time-sensitive information or anything.